


the long ride

by dangeropolis



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Found Family, Gen, Road Trips, so many roadtrip cliches you guys im so excited, some abandonment issues, stuff just pops right off, teen!angus, whacky adventures and crazy hijinks, which is just as jarring as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 10:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangeropolis/pseuds/dangeropolis
Summary: Angus is off to college, but they have to drive there first.That turns out to be lot harder than it sounds.(a modern!roadtrip!au where angus and his three adopted dads tackle the concepts of the open road, trusting in each other, and letting it all fall apart, all while playing a lot of boring road trip games.)





	the long ride

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, sorry this is so long for just one chapter. i knew that if i split this up into a chapter story, i'd never finish it, so you get a huge chunk to eat all at once! i prefer it this way, but if i get a lot of requests to split parts up into separate chapters, i can definitely do that.
> 
> besides that, this fic has a lot of my love and anxiety poured into it. thank you, and enjoy the ride.
> 
> ( **"cow game"** _noun_ \- roadtrip game-divide the car occupants into teams - left side and right side. count the cows you see on your side of the car. if you pass a field full of lots of cows, you'd better count fast! if you pass a cemetery on your side of the car, you lose all your cows.)

__

“Clothes?”

“Check.”

“Hygiene items?”

“Checkamundo.”

“Snacks?”

“Oh, you better _believe_ it.”

“Okay,” Angus says, scribbling a few things down in his notebook as Taako loads up the last duffel bag in the trunk. “I think we have everything.”

“No kidding,” Merle snorts from behind them, closing the doors to the back of the van before Taako can decide on bringing anything else. “You’ve checked that list like four times, kid.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being prepared,” Angus says sternly, squaring up his shoulders a little wider. “And I’m not a kid.”

“You’re not?!” Magnus shouts, picking up Angus from behind and lifting him into the air. “Then why can I still carry you like you’re nothin’!”

“Magnus,” Taako says, flipping on heart-shaped sunglasses to peer at the two of them. “You’re two-hundred pounds of pure uncensored muscle. You could throw all of us to fuckin’ Tampa if you wanted to.”

Magnus sets Angus back down, clapping him on his back. “I mean, I’m not gonna deny it.” He spins around to grab Angus by the shoulders. “I can’t believe it! Off to college! You’re so old!” He pulls him into a bear hug, tight and air-constricting, a classic Magnus Hug™. “I’m already so emotional,” he dramatically weeps into Angus’s shoulder.

“No, no crying,” Merle scolds, spinning the keys in his hand. “We have about two-thousand miles before we can start the waterworks. Until then, we ride!” He points at Angus. “C’mon, kid. You’re in the front seat with me. Taako, Magnus, there better not be any fighting in the back seat.”

Magnus and Taako roll their eyes respectively, since Merle is positively not their father, but they dutifully climb into the van’s backseat anyway as Angus hops in the front.

Angus’s legs are spindly and long in the front seat, jammed against the dashboard almost comically. He’s really not a kid anymore, to make that point clear, since he’s almost as tall as Magnus at this point, and certainly as tall as Taako. Glancing at himself in the sideview mirror, it’s almost a reflection of who he was and is about to be. University will change him, he’s just sure of it. Right now, he’s just barely turned eighteen, his braces off about four years ago, but a few pimples still lingering. A fight between boy and man rages within him, and who will win remains to be-

“Pumpkin, are you internally monologuing up there?” Taako calls, looking up from his phone. “Are you gonna get carsick? Just let me know, we’ll pull over. Even if it does look super gnarly.”

“No, I’m not gonna puke sirs, I’m fine.” Angus looks out the window, at their house for the past eight years. Where three grown men adopted him as young boy and raised him as their own, a found family. Not even just them, there was a huge goodbye party last night to celebrate Angus’s going-away. Lucretia had brought the framed adoption papers she herself had signed over as a social worker to his sirs. Kravitz, his favorite tutor had given him the hardbound edition of the entire Woodworm’s Encyclopedias, in classic and original binding, all twenty-two volumes (that had been hell to fit inside the van amongst the rest of the stuff). His aunt and uncle Lup and Barry gifted a perfect magnifying glass replica from one of his favorite gumshoe detective movies., and even Garfield had given him a coupon to 5% of any one clearance item at Fantasy Costco, as long as it was already broken.

But at the end of the night, they all left his home. His home where Taako made him breakfast every morning before school and made sure his lunches were both nutritious and better than the other parents’. Where Merle would meditate with him in the evenings and let him watch horror movies up late at night. Where Magnus would take him to karate classes with Killian and fall asleep reading Boy Detective novels to him for bedtime.

The home that he was about to leave as well.

“I’m just nervous, that’s all,” Angus says softly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Merle opens the driver seat door and climbs in. He adjusts the rearview mirror, and turns on the engine. “Alright, we ready for adventure?”

“Ready,” Angus say.

He’s never been so wrong.

**the long ride** **  
** **an adventure zone fanfic told in five parts**

**sponsored by blue apron, probably? maybe square space**

**M O N D A Y**

It’s a hot August morning as they embark, cloudless and without worry. Angus lets his head roll against the window as they merge onto the highway leaving the city, familiar buildings and stores whizzing by in almost a film roll of memories. They wanted to get the earliest start possible, so there aren’t many other cars out on the fast roads, only some morning commuters. Glancing in the backseat, he can see Taako sipping at a large travel mug of coffee, the rich smell filling the large van. Magnus is playing with a handheld gaming system, the pixelated sounds echoing throughout.

 Angus wishes he could read in the car, the latest Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop novel was just released and sitting in the backpack by his feet, but he knew he’d get a headache trying. Besides, even Caleb Cleveland was growing up; the latest novels were him tackling the mysteries of student loans and STD testing. Angus didn’t really like the preachiness of the later books, but he read every single one with loyalty nonetheless.

Whoever was driving gets to pick the music, so the family was doomed to Merle’s various classic rock albums on cassette tape as a background for the trip. Merle himself was jovially tapping his fingers to the rhythm, seeming characteristically bouncy for the early morning. He was always up whenever Angus was, there to offer wisdom or a raunchy joke.

“You’re not hungry, are you?” Merle asks him, glancing over. “I know we didn’t have time for a bigger breakfast, but I can, hold on- ,” he reaches behind the console, digging around in a plastic bag. “I know there are nutter bars in here somewhere- “

Angus smacks his hand away. “Sir! Keep your hand on the wheel, please.”

Merle chuckles. “Oh, right, right.” He resumes the position, merging into a faster lane once they’re outside the city limits.

“Merle you’re gonna kill us all!” Magnus shouts from the backseat. “Murderer! Murderer!”

“I mean, we’ve all seen it coming,” Taako adds, pushing his sunglasses up his forehead. “Nobody can listen that much AC/DC without at least considering triple homicide, my dudes. That’s a gen-you-ine fact.”

Magnus leans forward, draping his arms over the passenger seat. “How much longer until we get to his school?”

“Orientation is on Friday, at 11am sharp,” Angus repeats, almost on cue.

“Mapquest says five whole days, so you’ve got time,” Merle says, tapping on an unfolded piece of paper on the dashboard.

“You used Mapquest!?” Taako asks, incredulous. He sits up as well, waving his phone around. “Homie, there are maps on your phone, that tell you with its voice where to go. The future is now!”

Merle shakes his head. “Don’t need it, I’m an old fashioned rugged man, ready to take adventure head on, old school style.”

“Then why don’t you use an actual map, sir?” Angus asks.

Merle waves away the question. “I don’t know how to read maps.”

The rest giggle a little, the sunshine rising through the car’s windows.

They all play some classic roadtrip games to pass the time. State license plates are found and noted, cows are counted up ( _“Ha! Cemetery! Merle and Taako lose their cows!” “Not when your cows are necromantic cows and fucking flourish with every graveyard they pass!” “That is so not a thing.”)_ and billboards are read out loud, every, single, time, by an enthusiastic Merle ( _“5.99 for streak and eggs! What a deal!”)._ By the time they’re playing the alphabet games, they’re thoroughly bored and it’s only three in the afternoon.

“Here’s another state line!” Merle shouts, pointing at a blue sign up ahead.

As they pass it, all four of them shout “Adveeeeeentuuuuuure!” as loudly as possible, a household tradition. Angus wonders if they’re gonna do it on the way back, too. When he’s not there with them.

“If we’re passing by the state line,” Taako says, hiking his legs up on the seat divider. “That means there’s probably some hokey fucking diner around here, serving some food that isn’t Goldfish crackers and Capri Suns.”

“Are you saying Goldish and Capri Suns aren’t fine dining, Taako?” Magnus asks, appalled. “How dare you?”

Taako snorts. “That’s our sponsor for this week, everyone. Fucking Pepperidge Farm and Kraft!”

“Well not anymore, now that you’ve soiled their names.”

“I didn’t know Kraft owned Capri Sun,” Merle says. “I thought they only did cheese.”

“Cheese flavored Capri Sun is their hot new product, get with the trends.”

“Look,” Angus says, pointing at a modest looking diner off the road, surrounded by various trailer-trucks on break from shipments. “I’m willing to bet all my gumshoe points that that place serves the food we’re looking for.”

Merle switches over on the off ramp as he says, “You heard the kid, food awaits.”

As they pull up to the diner, they’re the only non-truck vehicle in the lot. A literal tumbleweed rolls through the desert landscape surroundings as they step outside. Their sign is old and worn, but painted red letters still read _The Homely Swine_ , accompanied by a cartoon pig that looks more grotesque than giggly. Angus pulls out his phone to look up the place, always liking to gather information before entering a new place.

“Oh,” he says, raising his phone into the air and squinting at it. “No signal.”

“Yeah, we have the worst data plan ever,” Magnus says, clapping him on the back as he starts to walk inside. “Guess you’ll have to do some classic sleuthing, little man.”

“That’s my favorite kind of sleuthing,” Angus says, as they all walk through the doors with a chime of a bell.

He’s immediately hit with the sound of twangy folk music ringing out from a tinny radio speaker and the hissing of a fryer in the back kitchen. The diner is actually pretty big once he steps inside, with the store split up into two parts: dining area and a tacky souvenir shop. The front counter is littered with various knick-knacks, from piggy bobbleheads to “Homely Swine” t-shirts. A tiny sign that proclaims, “Stressed spelled backwards is desserts!” rests on a bakery display case that’s filled with untouched slices of pie. Angus reaches out and draws a finger over the top of it; it comes away dusty.

“Well, that’s certainly less than sanitary,” Angus mutters to himself as he inspects his dirty finger.

A few of the customers at their tables look up as they enter, but only for a split second before they go back to low rumblings. It’s not very populated at mid-afternoon; Angus deduces that this would either be more of a late-night place or early morning.

Taako taps on the counter bell a few times impatiently. “Hello? Anyone actually work here?” Angus stands on his tippy-toes to see if he can peak through the kitchen window behind the counter, which only shows a few pots and pans from this angle.

The door to the kitchen flies open, and an older woman comes stalking out, her overdrawn lips pursed into a frown. She appraises Taako as he rings the bell, giving him the up-and-down look that Angus has seen people give his adopted parent time and time again. He never understood why; he wears a lot of bracelets on his arms and is known to rock a cape or three, so what? But he knows the woman is glancing at his heeled boots, his heart-sunglasses, his impatient attitude. Maybe she’s just annoyed at his rudeness and not his appearance, Angus muses. It’s been known to happen.

“Can I help you?” she asks, her voice as raspy as the cigarettes she probably inhales on the hour.

“Yes, thank you!” Magnus shoves in, putting on his patented ‘I’m one of you!’ smile and outstretching his hand. “We’d like a table in your fine establishment, if you wouldn’t mind!”

The woman softens just a sliver at Magnus’s words, her demeanor shifting. “Yeah, sure,” she says, still wary but picking up a few menus from a large stack. Magnus always had that effect on people, charming them with a helping hand and do-gooder presence. He always told Angus it was his ‘rustic hospitality’ and ‘folk hero charm’, whatever that meant.

The waitress, her name tag reading ‘Barbara’, leads them to a booth in the corner, tucked away next to a few antique photographs and tacky neon beer signs.

It isn’t long before four plates of various small-town fare are placed in front of them, sizzling hot. Angus’s ham and cheese sandwich isn’t much more than just a ham and cheese sandwich, but he hungrily eats it as he surveys the diner. Magnus is finished with his omelet in seconds, and reaches over to take the meatballs off of Merle’s spaghetti, the only way to get something resembling vegetarian here.

“Everything okay, sir?” Angus asks, looking up at Taako, who has barely touched his burger.

Taako sighs, pokes his fork into his lunch. “You know, I am a humble and kind man,”

“What? When?” Merle asks. “When did this happen? Is this a recent development? Did you finally read _The Secret_ that I loaned it to you five months ago?”

Taako elbows him in the side, and continues, “But this burger is garbaggio. Or whatever garbage is in French.”

“ _Des ordures,_ ” Angus offers helpfully. “And please, don’t-“

“ _Garçon_!” Taako says, waving his arm in the air for Barbara, ignoring Angus’s piping of ‘Um, that’s not right either’ to focus on her form staggering towards their table.

Barbara reaches their table and places her hands on her hips. “Can I help you,” she asks, in a tone that implies that she doesn’t really care what the answer is.

“Taako, don’t,” Magnus whispers under his breath, which Taako ignores as well.

“No, no. It’s fine,” Taako begins. “Really. It’s just, I have some constructive criticism for you. Not that big of a dealio, you know?”

A beer bottle is slammed onto a table not too far away. A grizzled man wipes his mustached lips and glares down their table. “You insultin’ Barb’s food?” he asks, a growl in his words.

Two more from a different table also look up. “Yeah, who tha fuck do ya think you are?”

Taako puts a hand to his chest, affronted. “Um, I’m _Taako._ From _TV.”_

“If you count internet videos as TV,” Merle mutters with a low chuckle.

“Yeah?” Barbara asks with acid in her words. “I ain’t never heard of you.”

“He’s telling the truth, ma’am!” Angus says, getting out his phone. “His YouTube cooking _channel Sizzle It Up_ is a big hit with almost seven-hundred thousand subscribers! Here, I’ll show-“ His phone is still refreshing the page endlessly. “Oh. Right. No data,” he says, sheepishly.

“This guy’s a liar!” One of the men yell, standing up from the table. Magnus instinctually stands up as well, putting a hand on Angus and looking ready to grab him and get the hell out of Dodge. Merle also thrusts an arm across Taako’s chest to shield him. Taako yawns, unaffected by his surroundings.

“I’m just trying to be helpful,” Taako insists. “There’s real potential here, but it just doesn’t come together.”

Barbara leans over the table, staring right at Taako. “Oh yeah? You wanna put your money where your mouth is, kid?”

“Yeah!” pipes up a diner patron. “Let’s show him how things work around here.”

And they begin to surround him.

-

“And if you made sure to caramelize the onions right…” A sharp knife runs smoothly through the middle of the burger, separating it into symmetric parts. “You get this fuckin’ nice cross section right here.” Sure enough, as the burger comes apart, the layering of different ingredients shows perfectly and the burger looks well-balanced while still being perfectly juicy.

The other patrons ‘ooh’ with astounded appreciation.

“Like this?” Barbara asks, and does a similar cut with her burger. It comes apart nicely, and other than being a little too soggy, it looks just as nice as Taako’s.

Taako kisses his pinched fingers. “ _Poi_ fect. Now give it a taste.”

Barbara bites delicately into her own burger, chewing it thoughtfully as the rest look on.

“You getting that nice umami texture?” Taako asks, and Barbara nods. “That’s from the miso mustard, an old trick of mine.”

Barbara swallows. “Well, I’ll be darned. That’s some tasty ass shit right there. You got a recipe with you?”

Taako digs through his large pockets before producing a notecard and handing it over. “One of my favorite ones. But remember, it’s not the recipe. It’s you, Barbie. It was you all along.”

A tear runs down Barbara’s cheek, glistening under the hot florescent kitchen lights.

The entire diner stands outside by the road as they load back into the van, arm in arm.

“We’ll never forget you!” Jimmy “The Eye” Santos yells, waving with his three-fingered hand.

“I just subscribed to your channel!” Beth “Knifey” Marley calls after them.

Barbara just nods and smiles.

Angus turns in his passenger seat and watches them get smaller and smaller in the distance, dirt kicking up from their van. Magnus elected to drive, and he pulls away back onto the highway and into the sunset.

“What a bunch of fuckin’ weirdos,” Taako says, after they’re finally out of sight.

“Yeah, we wasted a whole bunch of time doing that,” Magnus notes, checking the dashboard clock. “We’re gonna have to go a little longer tonight if we wanna be timely.”

“I thought it was sweet of you to do that,” Angus says, smiling at Taako. “You’re like a celebrity to them now!”

“Oh, please, I’m always a celebrity, Ango,” Taako says, but he’s smiling, too.

Angus pulls out one of his many handy pens and crosses off some directions on MapQuest. One day down, four more to go.

“I just hope there aren’t any more hiccups for the rest of the trip!” Angus says.

“Oh, don’t worry Ango,” Magnus says, trucking along. “The rest of the trip is gonna be fine.”

 

**T U E S D A Y**

**a hiccup in the road**

The morning started off fine.

The motel’s “continental breakfast” was just dry muffins and yogurt, but Angus packed some fruit cups that made up for it. They manage to leave just before seven, since Angus is the only one who regularly showers amongst them. Taako volunteers to drive for the day, which surprises everyone but Angus, who knows that he just wants to be able to listen to anything except Merle’s old tapes. Angus is still in the passenger seat, with Magnus behind him to keep the cow game going. Currently, Magnus and Angus have eight cows to Taako and Merle’s five. But the day is still young, and anything can happen. Including more cow fields.

Carly Rae Jepsen is playing from Taako’s plugged in phone, the sound tinny but loud enough over the roar over the highway. Both Taako and Angus know her entire discography front to back, so they are echoing choruses to eachother at the highest volume while Merle and Magnus have their heads on each other’s shoulders, snoozing away.

Angus remembers when Taako and Aunt Lup were chaperones on his high school science club’s state championship trip. They managed to somehow embarrass him amongst his nerdiest of peers by doing an entire musical rendition of Hairspray. The vines of that day are thankfully, erased into the void of the internet.

He doesn’t know why he had been so embarrassed. It was fun, his classmates thought it was a riot, and they won the championship easily. Knowing that in just a few short days he won’t get those sorts of trips again makes him wish he was back on that cramped bus, Taako singing at the top of his lungs and Lup endlessly quizzing everyone on everything from microbes to mitochondria while punishing any wrong answers with thrown crumpled paper.

And because she instinctively knows whenever she is wanted, Taako’s  phone starts ringing, Lup’s contact name ‘Twinnie’ flashing across the front. Taako, still maintaining eye contact with the road, taps the accept button.

“Hey, Lup!” he calls loudly as he answers. “You’re callin’ a little early, what’s up?”

“ _Hey Taako_!” she answers, sounding a little muffled before some shuffling around. “ _Just wanted to check in on my favorite boys on their big trip! How’s it going? I can’t believe you haven’t already fucked everything up horribly horribly so horribly beyond the pale of repair_.”

“The week is still young,” Taako says. “Half of us are asleep like complete losers. But Mango here is digging these sweet tunes with me.”

“ _Oh, yeah_?” Lup says. “ _Hi Angus! How’s my college boy_!”

“Hi Aunt Lup! Technically not in college yet, but the trip’s going well. Taako’s already taken somebody to class just so he could school them hard.”

“ _That’s great! Don’t let them get lost, I heard Merle’s using fucking MapQuest_.” Some more shuffling, like Lup is pulling the phone away from her ear. “ _Babe, that’s just not gonna work_!” More shuffling, some thuds. “ _Sorry, Barry’s trying to install these lights we got at Home Depot the other day, but he’s real bad at it.”_

In the distance, you can hear an insistent “ _No, hun, I got it, I got this_ -“ and another thud. Angus’s stomach aches with homesickness.

“ _Well, shit. I gotta go. Love y’all, make sure you don’t run out of gas_!” And with that, Lup ends the call, and Carly Rae Jepsen’s song resumes once more.

“Dammit,” Taako mutters. “I hate it when she just _knows._ It’s freaky, it freaks me out.”

“Are we running out of gas, sir?”

“Yes. But don’t tell her that.”

“My lips are sealed.”

 

Magnus wakes up as soon as they pull up to the gas station.

“Huh? Wha? Where are we, what happened, where’s Angus-“ He starts blindly rummaging around for who knows what-a weapon, Angus supposes-before blinking a few times. “Oh, sorry. I was having a really fucked up dream where we were on a spaceship. Do you need gas money?”

“I mean, I never turn down money,” Taako says, outstretching his palm. “Why don’t you guys go in the convenience store and get some more snackies.”

Magnus gives him a few twenties. “Should we take this guy?” he asks, jerking his head towards Merle.

“Nah, look at him,” Taako says.

“He looks so peaceful!” Angus adds, and they all gaze lovingly at Merle’s curled up sleeping form, snoozing calmly. 

“C’mon Ango,” Magnus says, climbing out of the van and Angus quickly following behind. Taako pockets the cash and pulls out his card instead, which Magnus doesn’t notice.

They enter the small store, the florescent lights flashing with a dull hum and the air conditioner buzzing under the August late afternoon heat. Magnus starts heading down the rows and rows of chips and candy while Angus makes his way to the back with the nacho cheese and coffee machines. Nobody else is in the store besides a bored looking teenager working the register, scrolling through their phone.

Angus grabs a few cups and starts filling them with coffee for his family. Iced for Taako, caramel for Merle, black for Magnus. He also filled a cup with hot water for himself, to put a few bags of tea into. He knows exactly the amount of sugars and creams for each drink, and soon enough he has a tray of coffee that he takes over to where Magnus is in the drinks aisle.

He shivers from the chill of the freezers as Magnus opens them and grabs a six pack of soda. He’s already carrying a few packs of chips, some beef jerky packages, a jar of pretzels, and some twizzlers.

“Do you want some help, sir?” Angus asks.

“Nah, I got this,” Magnus says, closing the freezer door with his foot. They make their way over to the counter and dump their items out.

The cashier dutifully scans the items one by one as Angus peers out the front of the store to see Taako still filling up the van. He almost looked like a fashion model, posed casually and moodily in short shorts and long boots, hand on his hip. Angus laughs a little, at how his foster parent would of course never waste an opportunity to serve some lüks even at a gas station in the middle of nowhere.

Magnus looks over, too, and snorts while rolling his eyes. “What a nerd,” he says, and gives the cashier the money. “Take the coffee and I’ll take the rest, yeah?”

Angus nods, and follows him out of the store. Taako looks up and waves at them as they approach with food.

“Coffee? For me?” Taako asks, taking the iced coffee from the tray. He ruffles Angus’s hair. “You’re my favorite, bubbuleh.”

“Well, duh,” Angus says in a small voice, pleased as punch.

They gather back in the car, Magnus driving, and start off on the second stretch of the journey.

“So you’re going to go North for about ten more miles before you have to change lanes,” Angus says, squinting at the paper directions in the high noon light.

“Here, lemme show you guys a secret,” Magnus says, digging in his cargo shorts pocket for his phone. “Hey, Siri.” The phone brightens with map directions and a GPS line. “Shhh, don’t tell Merle when he wakes up.”

“Well, we should probably wake him up soon, his coffee is getting cold.” Angus turns around, cup in hand. “Sir, you should probably-“

Taako is sitting in the backseat, looking out the window with his earbuds in. Next to him, there is no Merle.

“Um, guys? Where’s Merle?” Angus asks, a screech in his tone.

Magnus turns his head for just a second before turning back to the road. “Huh? Is he not there?”

Taako glances up from his phone. “I thought Merle was the one driving.” He pauses. “Wait, but then..Oh, shit. Where the fuck is Merle, guys?”

“We gotta stop!” Angus tugs on Magnus’s arm. “We gotta turn around, he’s missing! He’s lost!”

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Taako says, tapping on his phone. “He probably just went to the bathroom and we forgot him, we’ve only been driving for like, five minutes, tops. I’m calling him.” He puts his phone up to his ear, and waits.

After a few seconds, they hear a muffled buzz from underneath the seat. Taako rummages through the seats and grimly pulls up a vibrating flip phone. They all groan.

“I’m turning around,” Magnus says, flipping on his turn signal.

They all ride back in silent anxiousness, Angus almost in tears at his own obliviousness. What would Caleb Cleveland think of his carelessness? He would certainly strip away his detective badge and tell him to take a hike in the most cliché of cop tropes. Angus sincerely hopes that Merle is just taking a long time in the bathroom or chatting up somebody near the nacho cheese machine.  

“Hey, don’t beat yourself about it,” Magnus says, and reaches over to place a hand on Angus’s shoulder, which he shrugs off.

As soon as they reach the gas station, Angus pushes his glasses up his nose and gets to work. The building is nondescript, unremarkable, nothing nefarious. Angus usually remembers little details about places wherever he goes, like the rat trap next to the cheese puffs and the superhero bandaid on the cashier’s left index finger. He sets off like a man on a mission for the front of the store, with Magnus and Taako close behind. As annoyed he is at them for being so careless, he’s madder at himself. How could he forget part of his family? Even if he noticed it quickly, he should always notice when a piece of him is missing, immediately, no matter what.

 _Focus,_ Angus thinks stubbornly, not letting the crybaby ten-year-old in him win over as he walks through the automatic doors.

“Hello-sir-have-you-seen-one-of-my-guardians-he’s-short-and-older-and-wears-glasses-like-mine-we-forgot-him-and-it’s-all-my-fault-and-please-i-just-need-to-know-if-you’ve,” Angus takes a breath, “-seen him, here, at any point.”

The cashier from earlier, short black hair, young baby face, and a bewildered expression, balks a little. “Uh, I mean, I only get like ten customers here a day, tops, so. Was he, like, yay height?” They gesture at their waist. “Kinda older?”

“Did he look earnest in his intentions but hopelessly dopey in his actions?” Taako asks, leaning against the counter lazily.

The cashier pauses, then nods. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Yep, it’s him.”

Angus gently pushes Taako aside. “What was he doing? Is he still around here?”

Magnus slams his hands down on the counter, knocking over a few packs of Double Bubble gum and some lighters. “We’re not screwing around here! Tell me what you know!”

Angus reaches out and puts a hand on the cashier’s shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, we’re here for you. We want to help you, so you can help us.” Magnus and Angus played their bad cop, good cop routine pretty well. It helped that Angus was undeniably precious, while Magnus could be intimidating when he wanted to be, which wasn’t often.

The cashier stammers out,”I, uh, he! Was talking to these two people out front! Long hair, both of them, purple robes. He left with them, I thought it was some sort of sex thing.”

The three looked at each other. “Purple robes?”

The cashier nods. “Yeah, I dunno. Like long dresses, no hoods, but you couldn’t see their hands or legs or anything.”

Magnus frowns. “But you could see their faces?”

“Yeah. A guy and a girl, they looked pretty plain. I couldn’t tell you any distinguishing features. When they bought lighters from me earlier they mentioned something about Hunter’s Peak.”

Angus whips out a small notebook from his shorts pocket, and starts furiously writing it down. “Hunter’s Peak? Where’s that?”

The cashier points up near the valley above, past the highways. “It’s pretty well known around here. It’s not far, up a few hills and through the woods.” They put their head in their hands, clearly distraught. “I don’t know what else to tell you guys! That’s all I know!”

Angus pats his shoulder. “There, there,” he says, and takes a lollipop from a rotating display case and hands it over. “Have a lollipop.”

 

The three of them charge out of the gas station with purpose, wasting no time at all. Angus is punching ‘Hunter’s Peak’ into Google Maps a few times, with no results except for a place up in Northern Canada, which he hopes beyond hope they haven’t had the time to actually drive up to Canada. His iPhone’s Maps app doesn’t come up with anything either, which has Angus tapping his phone in frustration.

“Nothing’s coming up!” he says, his voice hitting a new octave.

Taako is rummaging around in the back as Magnus is revving up the engine. “Maybe ‘Hunter’s Peak’ is an old name for it, the maps could be too new.”

“Yeah,” Magnus agrees, pulling out with a lurch in the car, throwing Taako into the back of the driver’s seat with a grumble. “Maybe you gotta use an older application.”

“Like Mapquest,” Taako mutters from the floor of the van, rubbing his head.

“Like MapQuest,” Angus repeats in disbelief.

And true to word, a few words into MapQuest’s website results in one nearby Hunter’s Peak, only three miles up the road.

“If we find Merle, we never tell him that MapQuest actually goddamn works,” Magnus says, pulling off the mains roads and making the way up the mountains.

“Don’t say ‘if’,” Angus says, barely above a whisper.

“Right. When.”

Taako manages to grab random junk from the back of the van, like a first aid kit in case Merle’s gotten hurt (please, _no_ ), and a baseball bat from one of Magnus’s little league teams.

The ride through the thickening trees is tense and silent, with Angus glued to his window desperately searching for signs of his older guardian somewhere amongst sage and pine.

 It’s getting a little darker, and the soft orange hues are breaking through the treelines and fading into purple as the forest gets so thick light can only get through in streams. The only sounds are the ones from the van’s tires peeling through dirt roads and rocky terrain.

It only takes fifteen minutes or so to make it where the map says Hunter’s Peak is, but to Angus it feels like hours of tension and blame. Blame on himself, for making them go on his trip. For making them do such a big task for just him, he wasn’t worth this. He wasn’t worth any of this.

But after those fifteen minutes, they can all see a break in the trees up ahead, with a faint glow within.

“Shh,” Magnus says, even though none of them were talking. “I think that’s what we’re looking for.” He turns off the engine and grabs a flashlight from Taako’s supply pile. “C’mon. We’re gonna go in silently.”

“Um,” Taako says, hesitating. Angus can feel Taako’s sudden fear, the break in façade for just a moment. Angus knows that Taako is good out here.

“You can stay here and watch the van in case we need a quick getaway,” Angus offers, throwing Taako an easy out.

For a second, Taako seems like he might take that out, but he makes eye contact with Angus. Looks Angus over. Sighs heavily. “Oh, please. I’m not leaving you. Not for a second.”

“Me neither,” Magnus says, grabbing Angus’s arm. “This is not happening again, and we aren’t leaving anyone behind. All or nothing.”

Angus nods, Taako nods. All or nothing.

They exit from the car, flashlights in hand, and crouch low to the dirt road. The scent of smoke is heavy in the air, and Angus pulls his shirt up to his mouth to filter it out, just like in one of his detective novels. He’s glad he wore his casual slack shorts, the least fancy of his outfit staples, since they’re all kneeling in gravel and rocks, trying to hear anything.

Magnus is ahead of them, holding out an arm to keep the others at a distance. “Do you guys hear that?” he whispers.

Angus does, he hears low murmuring from beyond the break in the trees, echoing through the forest and over the chattering of crickets. It gets louder the closer they’re crawling over there, through thimbleweed and thick bush.

“It sounds like…chanting,” Taako says with a cartoonish gulp.

“Guess we’ll find out,” Angus says, and catches up with Magnus at the edge of the tree line. He parts the bushes ever so slightly, and pokes his head in to take a look.

There are probably about sixteen of them, that’s Angus’s first guess.

They’re standing in a circle, right in the break of the trees. They aren’t wearing anything to obscure their faces, so Angus can see about sixteen serene people all chanting the same hymn in perfect harmony, their hands clasped around small tea lights. The lights barely illuminate their features, but it does cast long shadows from their bodies that fall over the tree trunks, a ring of figures. On the opposite side, the trees break to reveal a cliff’s edge, overlooking a massive lake.

Angus can’t help but let out a small gasp of relief when he sees him.

Amongst the purple cloaks, a lone Merle sticks out in the crowd.

He’s smack dab in the middle, flanked by a man and a woman in their robes, and he seems confused but not disoriented. Same clothes as this morning, his hair tussled but not messy, no visible cuts or bruises. Okay, so not a human sacrifice, hopefully. So what’s going on?

“Brethren,” The woman in the center of the circle calls to her compatriots, “We are gathered here on a warm Summer’s Eve to learn about our inner selves. To learn about peace, and duty, and love for our own beings.” She traipses the circumference, the candle in her hands flickering wildly against the night breeze. “We do this in isolation. Only here, deep within the woods, alone where nobody can hear you scream, do we truly find ourselves.”

Magnus mouths a ‘What the fuck?!’ at Taako, who shrugs dramatically in return.

The woman comes back around to place a hand on Merle’s shoulder. "And we have a special guest into our little gathering here, tonight." She gazes down at him fondly. "He's an old soul; I had the pleasure of speaking to him earlier this afternoon and I was enthralled." She looks over at her male counterpart, her freckled skin glowing softly in the dim firelight, but her teeth as sharp as they were white. "Wouldn't you agree, Jeffrey?" she asks him.

The man to her side nods mutely, almost disinterested.

Merle shifts his weight. "Um, I'm sorry, miss. But I really think I ought'a be leaving pretty soon. My family is gonna be worried, and we really have to hit the road-"

The woman tightens her grip on his shoulder. "What? No! We can't have that!" A placid smile creeps across her face. "Besides, people don't really leave us, not really. Once you're apart of our family, you never leave."

The rest of the circle nods visciously. "Yes, yes," they murmur. "Never leave, never leave."

"Like hell he does!" Magnus shouts, crashing through the bushes and stumbling into the clearing. "He's coming with me."

Merle lets out a puff of relief when he sees Magnus, and shrugs off the leader's hand to take a step towards him, but the crowd begins to close in.

"You see," the woman begins, her grip on the candle tightening. "We are alone here because humanity is doomed! We look into the eyes of those around us, and see nothing but hate, nothing but greed." Her eyes shine wet with tears. "It's tragic, really. But by preserving special people, like Merle here, we keep humanity's brightest stars to shine in another sky."

"Oh, god," Taako dramatically calls out, also appearing from the bushes to enter the circle. "Are you really monologuing right now? Your big villain speech? We don't even know your name! What's your spooky fucking power, electronic tea lights?" He flicks a plastic candle out of the closest member, and it tumbles to the ground, the fake flame buzzing slightly.

Angus, taking the story's obvious cue, steps out from the shadows as well. "I have to agree, this whole premise is shaky at best."

The woman shrieks, clutching at Merle again and pulling the shorter man towards her, her nails digging into the fabric. "You're wrong! Bretheren, show them what the world's brightest can really do!"

A swarm of purple cloaks descends upon the three of them, encircling Taako, Magnus and Angus into a tight-knit center. Angus feels bodies pressed close, ragged breaths hissing on him. Magnus grabs his hand from behind, pulling him close behind. Angus is calculating, trying to figure out some way out of this, and he knows Magnus is trying to figure out how many people he can wrestle to the ground as the rest escape.

"Okay," Angus mutters to the other two. "I believe we can get out of this if I go down and under, Magnus clocks a few together, and Taako makes a grab for Merle-"

"Wait, wait!" Merle shouts from the edge of the crowd. "This is ridiculous, what are you guys even doing?"

"We're making a new family!" the woman, who Angus by this point really hates referring to as 'The Woman' without a name, screeches back from the opposite side. "This is what we discussed, Merle. How to find those who are best and to stay away from everyone else! Creating something better from nothing!"

"No, no," Merle says, shaking his head. "That's not." Angus can barely see him from the inside of the mob, only seeing his guardian kicking at the dirt and scratching his neck. "That's not what I meant," he continues. "You can't be better from isolating yourselves from the bad in the world. You're not gonna get better."

"Oh, please," the cult leader, which is a much better way to refer to her, Angus decides, rolls her eyes. "Don't give us that garbage about how love is the answer. That's shit."

Her fellow members nod again, glaring at Merle. At least they're not enclosing him anymore, and Angus takes the opportunity to inhale deeply.

"Well, no," Merle concedes, wringing his hands. "But I've read a lot of religious texts in my time. Some of them good, some of them not so good, some of them just okay. I don't myself follow anything to the book, and I mess up a lot. I'm not perfect. In fact," he gives a light chuckle. "You might consider me one of the less than perfect folks you're trying to get away from." He walks forward, gently pushing aside cloaked figures, excusing himself and apologizing. Eventually, he parts the crowd enough to reach the other three. Angus lets Merle take his hands, and look up at him from his small stature. "But what makes me better is surrounding myself with people. People who matter to me. Making a family from nothing. Not something better, or worse, but what you can rely on."

"Is anyone else totally lost?" Magnus stage whispers to Taako and Angus.

"I think we missed a lot of the buildup and tension that led up to this dramatic speech."

"Oh."

"Don't worry, I think it made the Director's Cut."

Merle takes a step back and looks around at the fresh faces beneath the cloaks. Some of them shift uneasily, others stay still and silent under his gaze. "Don't you guys, I dunno, miss your families? Being out here, all spooky in the woods, don't you want to go home?"

They're all silent for a few moments, none of them daring to speak. Some hands loosen their grips on Angus's body, some take small steps back.

One of them, a young-looking ginger boy maybe a few years older than Angus, lets down his hood with a sniff. "I miss my mom. I haven't had a homemade meal in, like, three weeks."

Another one, right next to Angus, angrily flips off her hood. "I miss my dogs! I'm the only one who remembers to give them treats on time!"

A chorus of complaints ripples through the cult.

“Where’s my sister?”

“Shit, I bet summer orientation was weeks ago.”

“Fuck, who’s been watering my plants!”

“Do you think I’m fired?”

Soon, all the cloaked figures are stepping away, loudly grumbling and shedding off their long robes.

The cult leader frantically looks around, raking her nails into her skull. “No! No!” she snarls. “I didn’t drop out of grad school and recruit you fuckers for fucking _months_ just for it to fall apart because of one 80s sitcom speech about fucking _family values.”_

Merle reaches his hands out to placate her. "Hey, hey, it's okay-"

"Oh, shut up," she sneers, and grabs him by his collar and yanks him to her. "You are not ruining this for me." She turns him around and wraps her arm around his neck, still holding her decadent wax candle in her other arm, outstretched with the flame billowing brightly. "Now all of you! Are going to! Stay right where you are!" Taako makes a jump towards them, but she tightens her grip around his neck, and Merle lets out a haunting choke. "Or I'll hurt him!"

Merle struggles against her arm. "Oh, burn in hell," he spits out, and kicks his aggressor from behind.

She cries out in pain, and stumbles back to clutch her stomach. The candle drops from her hand, spiraling to the ground below at the edge of her cloak.

The entire crowd watches as her purple robe bursts into flames, the fire licking up towards her.

The cult leader screams, frantically patting out the robe and stumbling over herself. Merle pushes away from her, and Magnus quickly grabs him by the arm and pulls him away.

They all watch as she screams, and stumbles towards the edge of the cliff, jumping off into the depths below. They all run towards the edge, looking off to see a steep drop and crashing waves below.

Everyone gasps in horror, and Taako holds out an arm to prevent Angus from even moving another inch.

"Oh, don't worry," someone pipes up, and Angus recognizes him as the male leader, Jeremey? Jeffrey? "This place used to be a big place for cliff divers. The water below is actually really deep."

Sure enough, after a few tense moments a puff of purple fabric surfaces, and Angus sees a sliver of a woman appear from the water and begin swimming. He exhales.

Taako snorts. "That's it. First episode of our whacky animated mystery series." He holds his hands out in a camera angle. "Roll the credits.

Angus lets out a shaky breath. "Y-yeah. The Mystery of the Cliffside Cult."

"Ooh!" Magnus whistles. "I like it."

“As long as I’m head writer,” Merle pipes up, currently wiping his glasses on his button up Hawaiian shirt. “And a producer credit.”

“Sir!” Angus shouts, kneeling down to pull his guardian into a tight hug. “You’re okay!” Tears are freely flowing from his face now, and he lets out a choked sob. “I was so worried!”

“Hey, I’m okay, I’m okay,” Merle murmurs into his shoulder. “I could use a hot bath, and maybe a bottle of scotch, but I’m okay.”

Magnus and Taako also crouch down to their low level, and they all clutch eachother.

The other people start to disperse amongst themselves, leaving the four of them on the cliff’s edge, trying to hold it in.

“Merle, what happened?” Magnus asks, pulling away slightly. “How did this happen?”

Merle wipes a few tears from his eyes quickly, straightening himself out. “They seemed like two nice young people, asking me questions about my beliefs and my convictions. I was just chatting to them at their car, and after a few minutes I turned around and saw you guys were gone.”

“And I’m so so so sorry!” Angus cries out.

“Nah, I knew you just had a brain fart and would be back in a couple-a minutes. But they insisted on taking me in their car to try to catch up with you, but before I knew it, we were half an hour deep in the woods surrounded by nut jobs.”

Taako dusts himself off, sighing. “Why do we attract those types so easily? It’s like there’s a fucking weirdo convention In town and they’re so desperate for my fame I’m like honey to flies for ‘em.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Magnus jokes, rubbing his face up and down with exhaustion. “I’m glad everyone’s okay, but let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“Yeah,” Taako says, grimacing. “This place is giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“That could be your catchphrase!” Angus points out with a weak laugh.

Taako hums, considering. “Hm, maybe. We’ll workshop it in the van.”

Angus stands up, the four of them walking away from the full moon-lit cliff. “Sounds good. As long as the van is driving far, far away from here.”

**W E D N E S D A Y**

**a past revealed**

They drive through the night.

Magnus takes the first shift, seeming awake and on edge considering recent events. They twist through darkened highways, illuminated by passing lights that illuminate in brief flashes before casting over dimness again. Him and Taako talk in low, murmuring tones, and Angus could barely hear them over the rumbling of the streets against the tires. It brings him back to long car rides home from visiting distant relatives of Merle up in the mountains, when it would be him as a little kid falling asleep in short periods as his family talked over him. It was always soothing. There’s something about somebody else driving that makes you feel safe, like nothing wrong could happen when someone you trust is making sure you get there in one piece, and you’re free to close your eyes.

Angus considers closing his eyes, letting his guardian’s mutters lull him for the rest of the night, but he can’t keep checking over Merle again and again. He doesn’t seem shaken by the events, maybe just tired.

“Are you….okay, sir?” Angus asks in a quiet tone, so low that Magnus and Taako couldn’t hear it up front. He knows that the eldest of his guardians doesn’t like to appear weak in front of others.

Merle runs his fingers over his skinned knee that Angus had bandaged earlier. “Yeah, kid. I’m fine.” He smiles softly, and reaches over to pat Angus’s leg. “Aren’t I supposed to be asking you that? I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you, you know.”

“I’m allowed to be worried about you.”

“You’re always worried about us! You would cry when one of us went to the bathroom for a little too long, or when we were five minutes late to pick you up.”

Angus lets out a small laugh. “I did not.” He frowns, looking down at his feet and letting his glasses slide down his nose. “I just didn’t want any of us to be alone. I didn’t want to be abandoned,” he says, and picks absentmindedly at a loose thread in the upholstery.

Merle takes Angus’s hand in his. “Did we make you feel abandoned?” he asks, a look of genuine concern on his face.

“No! Of course not!” A fat tear drop traitorously rolls down his cheek and falls from his chin. He’s remembering an earlier Halloween night when he was eleven, when all his friends went trick-or-treating without him, even though his Sherlock Holmes costume was very period accurate. Merle had stayed up until late watching Twilight Zone reruns with him, eating popcorn and digging into the candy bowl. “But I’m abandoning you guys,” he says, so quiet he’s not sure Merle could hear him.

“No, you’re not,” Merle says firmly, his face scrunched and his eye furrowed. “You’re going off and you’re doing other things, but we’re right behind you all the way. We’re with you one hundred percent.” He puts an arm around Angus, pulling him in, albeit a little awkwardly with their height distance. “Distance doesn’t change that.”

Angus inhales shakily, allows himself to be held. Feels the weight of the moment, how it’s a very small gesture that lets his fragile heart trust in his future, for just a moment. “Thank you, sir.” He reaches up and takes off his glasses, holding them in his lap as he lets his eyes dry up again. “Sorry for acting like such a baby about it, I’m working on it.”

“Oh, pssh. You’ve been trying to act so grown up these past few months I was expecting you to crack just a little bit. Adults do it all the time. The other day Magnus cried because he saw a big dog.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Magnus calls from the front. “And it was a Newfoundland, so it was a _really big dog._ Bear sized. Made me believe in destiny again.”

Merle shoulders Angus. “See? Told ya.”

Angus laughs and rolls his eyes good naturedly, but stays close to Merle as the van keeps riding, just like when he was a kid.

 

The day actually goes by pretty smoothly.

Driving through the night makes up for a lot of last time, and eventually they’re back on track to make it on time for Angus’s orientation. All of them got a little bit of sleep in shifts, so when they pass by a tourist trap claiming to have real aliens, they’re awake enough to indulge Angus by checking it out. They get a picture with the (obviously fake) frozen alien body, and Angus picks up a few alien keychains and knick knacks. Similarly, Magnus insists on stopping by a waterfall national landmark, and even though Angus isn’t a huge nature buff, he gets a few good pictures of them all posing like a family in front of the quite large waterfall, only getting a little wet.

The cow game is still going strong, after a few cemetery mishaps the score was now Magnus and Angus: four, Taako and Merle: five.

Merle asks if they can pick up a hitchhiker, Taako shuts the suggestion down with the fair example of the past few days. “No more weirdos!” were his exact words.

By the time the sun begins to sink once more into the horizon, Magnus reminds them of his personal goal for this trip.

“Really?” Taako asks. “You still wanna try camping? After all the weird shit happening to us?”

“Why not?” He’s looking up from his Nintendo DS, pausing his current save state. “I think we need to turn this trip around, and although this day has been fun, why stop there?”

“As long as the kid is okay with it,” Merle says, turning a page in his Garden Gnomes Gazette. “Then I think it’s fine.”

Angus nods vigorously. “Of course!” Magnus reaches over to high five him, which he returns with aplomb. “I’m always happy to spend time with all of you.”

Taako smiles at him in the rearview mirror. “You’re not sick of us yet, Ango? This is a lot of time trapped in a hot box all sweaty and smelly together.”

“If I was truly appalled by all of your guys’ constant sweatiness, then, well, I think I’d be out of a family by now!”

“True, true, my dude.” Taako elbows Magnus in the side. “Tell me where to go, and then the boys are goin’ camping!”

 

Angus has to admit that this was a brilliant idea as soon as they pull up to the camping site. Although they’ve been driving through wilderness for three days now, they haven’t really experienced much. Besides, Angus grew up in a fairly large city for most of his life, with bus commutes and smog and hip coffee shops on every corner. Magnus takes him (and whoever else they manage to drag along) camping about once a year, but they never stray too far outside of the light pollution.

Here, Angus thinks as he exits the van and his boots crunch into leaves and dirt, there’s fresh air and birds chirping not too far away. There’s green foliage and a serene silence and-

“Absolutely no signal!” Taako says, holding his phone in the air and walking in circles, trying to track down a signal. “I mean, I’m not so into the materialistic void of consumerism that I, like, _need_ to be on my phone all the time. But I hope I don’t miss any calls or texts.”

“Who would you get a text from?” Merle asks, looping an arm around Taako’s waist. “Everyone you care about is right here.”

“Oh, you wish,” Taako snorts, but wraps an arm around Merle anyway. Angus glows; he knows his guardians, as much as they love to rag on each other, love each other very much. It’s cheesy, he knows, but he’s never cared about that.

“Hey, Mango!” Mangus calls from the back of the van, rummaging past Angus’s dorm supplies and furniture to get to the camping gear. “Lend me a hand, will ya?”

Angus obliges, and soon he’s tugging out tent poles and sleeping bags from very tight places, since it turns out Merle packs up a van like he’s playing Tetris.

“Well, let me just try this,” Angus says, and starts tugging on the end of an umbrella (why did they bring an umbrella?). As it comes out, the tent supplies all sort of tumble to the ground at once.

Magnus looks down at it. Then gives a thumbs up. “Nice job!”

They high five.

The tents take very little time at all to set up, with Taako barking useless orders and Merle going around and loudly identifying every poisonous plant to them.

By the time night falls, they’ve all been hanging out and trading stories for awhile, but they’ve broken apart for different things. Taako starts prepping for dinner, Merle is sketching a few flora, and Magnus disappeared not too long ago.

Angus knows where he went.

He makes his way through the thick forestry, and when the trees break, Angus walks up to a blue, glittering lake bathed in moonlight.

As Angus comes near, he sees his guardian Magnus at the end of a dock, carving something by himself.

When Angus approaches, Magnus pats the open space to the side of him, right on the edge. Lightning bugs whizz past Angus’s face as he approaches, and he notices the lull of crickets around. The sun is almost down, and it bathes the lake in pinks and purples, but still allows enough light for Magnus to see what he’s carving. Angus can’t tell what it is yet, he usually can’t tell what Magnus is carving until he’s almost finished, but he watches his guardian shear the wood in quick, precise motions. Angus sits down next to him, and studies his father’s movements. Magnus doesn’t really look up from his work, but he nods when Angus sits.

“Hey, kiddo.” He glances up for a second, taking in his surroundings. “It’s quiet out here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Angus echoes, and he slips off his fancy boots and argyle socks so he can dip his toes into the cold lake water below. If he squints, he can see dark shadows of life down below, erratically swimming against unknown currents. “We haven’t gone camping in a while.”

“Since your seventeenth birthday,” Magnus says. At the memory, he lets out an amused groan. “When Lucretia tried to grill hot dogs.”

“She meant well!” Angus says, remembering his social worker insisting that she make a meal for all of them so they could all continue playing capture the flag. He hangs his head in his hands. “The park ranger was so mad.”

“I’m pretty sure that part of the forest is still crispy and smoldering,” Magnus adds with a chuckle. “She sure loves you. We all do, I mean, you know that. But she’s always so proud whenever you succeed.”

At that, Angus picks his legs out of the water to squeeze them to his chest. “Yeah, about that. Why…?” He lets the question trail off, the crickets filling in the silence.

Magnus pauses his carving, and lowers his knife. “Why do we all care about you so much?” he finishes. “Why do all these weird adults put so much time and effort into making sure you grow up healthy and happy, even though we don’t share any sort of blood or DNA?”

“I mean.” Angus pushes up his glasses, glancing away. “I wouldn’t maybe, um, put it quite like that.”

“No, it’s okay,” Magnus says, placing a hand on Angus’s shoulder. “You can ask questions, you have a right to it.”

“I’m a super sleuth,” Angus says, almost trying to convince himself of that fact. “I’ve put together some pieces, I’m not completely clueless.”

“Oh, yeah? What have you figured out, super sleuth?”

“What you guys did before,” Angus says, throwing the statement out there. To Magnus’s credit, he doesn’t flinch or deny, he just nods. “What your jobs were before you adopted me.”

Magnus looks out over the lake for a little while, before he answers in a firm voice: “It wasn’t anything bad,” Magnus clarifies, but Angus can see the far off look in his adopted father’s eyes, and even the scar over his left eye seems more prominent in the sunset glow. “It wasn’t this big dramatic secret, Ango. We just didn’t think it was something you needed to know about.”

“But I found the badges,” Angus continues. “You, the three of you, you were agents of some sort, I don’t know. You did jobs, for the government?”

“Nothing shady.”

“Nothing shady. But the three of you worked on special cases, like finding missing people or stopping horrible things from happening before it did.”

Magnus just nods.

“And that’s.” Angus pauses, and is surprised that he’s shaking slightly. “That’s how you found me.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything, just looks over at Angus with a special sort of resignation. “Do you really want to know this story?” he finally asks.

Angus puffs out his chest, straightens his glasses, nods. “Sir, no offense, but I think I’m old enough now. I’m technically an adult, and I don’t think ‘we found you and loved you so much we had to keep you’ is going to cut it for very much longer.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Magnus tilts his head back and sighs deeply, before cracking his knuckles in preparation.

“Okay,” he begins. “When the three of us were young, dumb, and full of….you know. We were agents who worked on special cases when no one else could solve them. It sounds really cool and badass, I know, but in reality it was because everyone would always try to oversolve things and use really complicated methods, and the three of us would just stumble our way through it. And it worked.

“Usually an assignment would be to send us out to a specific location, get the lay of the land, try to find dirt on what was going on, and stop it before it got out of hand. And we were young, Ango, like, Taako only had a few years on you now. I mean, Merle was still old, but I think he was born old.” At this, Angus laughs, but lets Magnus continue. “Sometimes we failed, we failed really badly. But for some reason, our higher ups trusted us enough to let us keep doing it, and we loved doing it, so it all sort of worked out.

“But one day, we got an assignment in this old city famous for its railroads. It was a super weird place, where everyone looked the same and it had this spooky murder mystery vibe. We were trying to track down some bad dudes planning some bad stuff, and we were given your address.” Magnus looks over at Angus, looks him over. “Well, your grandpa’s house.”

“Grandpa Rockseeker?” Angus asks, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“No, your biological grandpa,” Magnus says, and, oh, yeah, Angus has blurry memories of a hunched over old man who never knew his own name and spoke in hushed and hurried whispers.

“Oh,” he says.

“Yeah.” Magnus inhales again, looking up at the sky. Angus looks, too, and he sees a smattering of stars appearing from the oranges, the beginning of nightfall starting to drip down. “We arrive at your grandpa’s house, and it’s clear that his mind is so frail he doesn’t know anything. We want to move on, we know he’s a bust, but,

“We found you. We found you, little Ango, trying to live with your grandfather. And I’m sure he was a good man, I promise you that, but,” Magnus’s voice hitches, just a tad. “His mind was too far gone, there was no way you were being cared for in that house. You were skinny as a stick, half-empty food cartons everywhere, and you were afraid to-“

Magnus has to pause in the story, blinking away the wetness in his eyes. “Ugh,” he coughs, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t talked about this in a while.”

“It’s okay,” Angus says, placing a hand in Magnus’s. “I’m here now, sir. I’m okay.”

Magnus looks over, and gives a small smile. “Yeah, you are.” Another sigh. “So we knew we couldn’t leave you at that house. But when Lucretia told us your options were either an orphanage or being wrung through the foster care system, we, well.” His smile grows wider. “The three of us didn’t even hesitate at saying that we’d take you in.

“It was only going to be temporary, because, who did we think we were? Just three dudes, three buds, barely responsible and trying to raise this fragile little thing. And you were, you were so fragile it kind of scared me.” Crickets keep chirping, more lightning bugs fly around their head. The water laps calmly against the sand. “Not to say you weren’t independent. You could make your own food, you were reading five grades about your level, and you were always chattering on nonstop, talking about whatever you were learning, or asking us a million questions to things we didn’t have the answer to.

“Merle was right, though. You were so afraid of being abandoned again, of being alone, that one of us couldn’t go to the bathroom or go to work without you crying for hours. Not even wailing, we could handle that. But these quiet, nonstop tears that would break the heart of even the toughest of tough.” At this, a tear does drip down Magnus’s cheek, something he quickly wipes away. “We just wanted to protect you.”

“Sir,” Angus begins, tilting his head towards the sky, feeling older than he ever has been. “Did you all have to leave your jobs because of me?”

“For a few months, yes,” Magnus says, and Angus feels his stomach tighten violently. “But it was okay, we knew we didn’t want to leave you alone and make sure you adjusted fine. And besides,” and Magnus turns his grandather’s knife over in his hands, again and again, “after a while, it was weird, but after a while we didn’t even miss the job. We all started pursuing our different passions, I got into carpentry, Taako’s cooking took off, and Merle had a brief stint as an adjunct professor at the university. Then, at night, we’d pick you up from Lucretia’s or Lup’s or sometimes even Davenport’s, and we’d get to spend time with this really amazing kid.”

“So you really don’t miss your job? You didn’t think I was a burden?”

“What?” Magnus looks over Angus, frowning. “Where do you get an idea like that?”

Angus just shrugs, trying not to make eye contact.

Magnus wraps an arm around him, tugging him close. Angus can smell his Old Spice deodorant mixed with the smoky campfire, a very familiar Magnus scent. “You’re not a burden, Ango. We all fucking love you. We knew you had a bright future, and we wanted to make sure that happened in whatever way we could.” He rubs at Angus’s arm, looking out at the lake. “That’s why we’re all so annoying about protecting you and looking out for you. We knew that it took a village to raise a kid.”

“Okay, sir,” Angus says, sensing the tenseness throughout his body unwind. “Now you’re getting cheesy.”

“I know,” Magnus says with a laugh. “But it’s all true. We love you so much it scares us sometimes. And I know we suck at showing it, and I know we haven’t been the best guardians, but we’re just happy to have you.”

Angus inhales, exhales. He lets his head fall onto Magnus’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

Magnus leans his head against Angus’s. “I didn’t think that’d be big news, dude.”

“I’m just gonna miss you guys at college, that’s all.”

“Nah,” Magnus says, sitting up. “You’re gonna crush this whole ‘nationally ranked criminal justice program’ so hard you’re gonna forget all about us.”

“Uh huh, sure.” Angus lets his eyes roll with a smile, also getting up and brushing off his shorts. “Thanks though, for being honest with me.”

“You’re gonna regret those words!” Magnus says, jumping up. “Because if you want an honest parental figure, have you thought about safe sex in college?”

Oh, no. Angus spins around and starts walking off the rickety dock, back into the woods. “Nope, no, sorry sir, I think I heard my name being called, time to go!”

Magnus was following behind, shouting advice through cupped hands. “Wrap your glove to make love! Use your words to become love birds!”

“I’m not listening!” Angus calls back, hands over his ears.

In no time at all he's stumbling back into the campsite where Merle and Taako are making dinner (well, Taako is, Merle is trying to play Go-Fish with himself and failing) with Magnus close behind.

"Hey, Ango," Merle says, glancing up from his card game. "Why're you holding your ears like that?"

"I'm giving him an embarassing parent sex talk!" Magnus proclaims proudly, sitting on a log across from the campfire while Angus sits cross legged next to Merle.

"Haven't I already suffered enough from freshman year Health class?" Angus asks lightly, taking his hands off of his ears.

"Hotchie matchie," Taako says, poking at a sizzling piece of salmon. Angus knows that Taako would rather throw himself into the fire than resort to roasting weenies over it. "You signed up for us as parents, you have to get full flung embarrassment up the wazoo, kid."

"Yeah, speaking of signing up as parents..." Magnus says, leaning his head into his hand. "I let Angus in on the full story of how we found him."

Taako pauses mid-flip of the salmon, and Merle stops shuffling his deck of cards.

Angus shrinks in on himself.

"Wait, we were not supposed to tell him that we adopted him?" Merle asks, frowning. "I didn't think that was a big secret, three guys can't exactly produce a single kid."

Taako rolls his eyes. "No, dingus. He means he told Agnus that we  were secret agents who found him on a mission and brought him in and were really cool and stuff."

Magnus tilts his head up to the sky. "Man, we were really cool."

"Wait. Are we not cool anymore?!"

"Try to keep up, old man."

Angus laughs, unwinding a little bit. "Sirs, you are all still really cool in my eyes!"

"Damn straight," Taako mutters, and begins doling out seared salmon, cooked chicken and grilled peppers onto skewers. "Alright, who wants camping kabobs?"

After hearty agreement, dinner is served under the stars and all of them eat, with Merle getting tofu-kabobs.. Angus loves Taako's meals for obvious reasons, it's hard not to like a chef's everyday cooking. Sometimes the experimental stuff gets a little crazy, like frozen octopus cubes on a gelatin spread, which makes him yearn for a good Merle PB&J, but the kabobs hit the spot. He hopes his future college meals of microwaved mac and cheese and cheap instant ramen can be just as good, too, but he doubts it.

The campfire is warm and safe, sparking with life in the middle of his family, distracting from the spooky sounds coming from the edges of the woods. Or maybe that's just rowdy partiers, who knows.

"We weren't trying to lie to you, Angus," Taako says halfway into eating, when the rest of them were silently taking in the scenery together.. "We just didn't want it to be upsetting."

"Yeah, kid," Merle says from his side. "It wasn't that relevant either. Sure, it was tough gettin' you, but once you were ours you were ours forever."

Angus sets his empty skewer aside, smiling at his guardians. "It's okay, sirs. Magnus already gave me the needed inspirational pep talk about all of your unwavering love towards me. I feel appreciated."

Magnus fist pumps to himself. "Cool, I win Best Dad this week. Suck it, everyone else!"

Merle dramatically clutches his chest. "What? Angus, how could you do this to me?" He gazes dramatically into the starry sky. "You're dead to me."

Angus laughs. "I know, sir."

Taako flips his hair to the side. "Whatever, I think we all know know that the entire award is a joke for capitalistic commercial purposes and advertising corruption."

"Tell that to my trophy, loser."

"You're just a marketing pawn to Hollywood's system!"

"That's how I like it!"

Angus watches his parents bicker from his cozy spot next to the fire, content. They talk into the night, swapping stories of their old missions and constantly interrupting to correct something or insist upon something else, and Angus sits back, swaddled in a blanket, and lets them share a part of a life he wasn’t a part of but is happy existed.

Magnus was right, it is a nice night outside.

Angus is glad he can share it with his family.

**THURSDAY**

**a hard earned confession**

The morning comes early, bright and filled with screeching birds. Angus stirs in his tent, sitting up straight in his sleeping bag when he temporarily forgets why he’s in a tent in a forest. He gropes around for his glasses in the dim morning light, slipping them on and blinking a few times.

Right. College, camping, roadtrip. The rest of his life.  

To his side, Taako stirs over to his other side, presumably still asleep underneath his sleep mask.

Angus gently prods at him. “Sir, it’s time to get up.”

Taako grunts, but doesn’t move.

“Sir. _Sir.”_  He brings out the big guns. “Okay, I’ll tell Magnus that he can make breakfast.”

At that, Taako hurriedly sits up and flails about. “No! He thinks that he can toast bread by roasting it over a fire!” he says while pulling off his sleep mask in panic. After a few heavy pants, he slides a glare Angus’s way. “Alright, alright, I’m getting up,” he mutters before breaking into a big yawn and finally shuffling his way out of the tent.

While his guardian starts on breakfast, Angus flips through blankets to that find his phone managed to grasp a bar or two of signal in the middle of the night, since it lit up with different messages and notifications. Some from his other family members asking how the trip is going, one was a picture from his high school friends with a 'we miss you already!' caption, and an email from Country Living Monthly informing him that he can enter to win a complete kitchen remodel, the reasons of which was sent to him are unknown. He's sending off a few 'almost there' texts when he hears Taako violently swear from outside.

"Hey!" Taako shouts. "All of you better get out here!"

Angus immediately flies into action and stumbles out of the tent in his plaid boxers and a DnD t-shirt, finding it very chilly in the early morning outdoors. Magnus and Merle are also sleepily leaving their own tent, probably just waking up by the yelling.

"Everything okay?" Magnus asks with a yawn.

Taako is standing by the back of their van, running his hands through his hair. "Yeah, homie, except that all our stuff got jacked!"

At this, Angus frowns and puts on his rounded glasses, inspecting the scene.

The back door to the van was pried open, Angus guesses forcefully with a crowbar, judging by the way the metal is slightly collapsed in. Angus walks forward and leans inside the van, before pulling back.

"Oh, no!" he shouts, throwing his hands into the air. "All our stuff is gone!"

“Yeah, no shit, that’s what I just said,” Taako snaps, but Angus knows he’s just upset.

Sure enough, as Angus continues to parse through the van, finding that almost everything that wasn’t brought out for camping or was way too heavy to carry is gone. Meaning Angus’s mattress topper and encyclopedia collection is still there, but….

Lamps, mirrors, polaroid pictures, banners, even his game console and small TV, all gone. Items he was going to use to make his dorm feel even a bit like home.

“All my stuff,” he mutters to himself, pushing aside a few emptied boxes and loose items.

“Hey, at least we took our duffel bags of clothes into the tents,” Magnus pipes up, putting on his usual brave face.

“He’s not going to have anything in the dorms, though,” Taako says, concern on his face. He drops his voice low, “Can we afford to replace all that stuff?”

Merle gulps. “Well, that depends. Hey, Angus? You see a metal box in there?”

Angus shifts around. “Um, no, I don’t see it in here.”

Merle immediately deflates. “Oh, crap.”

Angus's ears prick at that, but he continues inspecting nearby bushes and trees as they talk, Angus listening closely.

"Merle, what the hell!" Magnus is whisper-shouting.

"Wait, what?” Taako asks. “What was in there?”

Merle sighs. “I guess the surprise is going to be ruined.”

 Angus circles around the van. No sign of any scratch marks or other damage to the car, so no animal interference that he can tell. He looks out at the nearby dirt road connecting to the camp site. He hasn't seen any other campers during their stay, but he definitely heard them last night.

They're still talking. Taako is frowning, saying, "Wait, did that have…?”

"I'm afraid so."

"I thought you guys weren't gonna keep secrets anymore," Angus pipes up, more than a little annoyed but keeping a straight face.

His parents all look up, surprised that he could hear them, forgetting that they are the loudest whisperers on the planet.

Merle balks. "No, Ango, we aren't trying to keep anything-"

"Wait," Angus interrupts, holding his hand out. He kneels to the ground, inspecting the dirt. "These shoe prints are fresh. Really fresh."

"Are you sure they aren't ours? Magnus asks.

"None of us are wearing shoes right now."

"Oh, right. Gross."

Yeah, Angus was currently kneeling barefoot in the dirt, but a clue is a clue. He follows said footprints to the dirt road leaving the camp, and finds faint but significant tracks.

"Motorcycles," he says. "Two of them. That's who took our stuff."

"Nice gumshoeing, kid!" Taako calls from way back. "Proud of you!"

"Thanks," Angus says, adjusting his glasses. "But these are so fresh, I say this happened only ten, twenty minutes ago. Meaning we gotta go, now."

They all nod, and break apart to break down the camping site and pile in the van.

Before they do, Merle shuffles up next to Angus.

"Um, you might want to put on some pants, kid," he says.

"Oh, right," Angus says, looking down at his boxer-and-shirt ensemble. "I'm pretty sure I read that in a detective's guide, somewhere."

 

 

They pack up the remainder of their things in record time, and soon they're all jumping into the van as Magnus revs the engine.

"Three, two, one, let's GO!" Magnus yells as he slams his foot down on the gas pedal, launching them all at full speed out of the camping grounds. They whizz past camping signs and pine trees, back onto the main highways and towards their thieves.

Angus is in the passenger seat, his heart pounding, keeping his eyes peeled for two motorcyclists holding an unsafe amount of luggage.

"Keep in this lane," he instructs, and Magnus obliges. "They're probably trying to make a quick escape, and there are less cops on the slower lanes to interfere."

"Man, I'm glad all the reading you do is paying off," Magnus says, speeding up. 

"Yes, it's very beneficial."

"I wouldn't know."

They gun it at full speed, other cars laying on their horns as they whizz by, determined to regain their livelihood.

After about ten more minutes of sticking to their guns, Angus sees a speck of two side by side motorcycles, both strapped down with a heavy load of boxes.

"There they are!" he shouts, pointing down the highway. Magnus immediately swerves into the lane behind them, gaining on them.

"Are you sure?" Merle asks, squinting out the window.

Angus leans in, and fumbles around in the glove department for a pair of binoculars. Looking through them, he can shakily see their boots for the briefest of moments. "It's the same shoes!" he calls back, pleased with himself.

"Well," Magnus says, letting their van fall behind their motorcycles. "They might recognize our van if we pass by, what's our course of action?"

"What are you talking about?" Merle asks. "Run 'em over!"

"Merle, despite what my past history could suggest, I'm not gonna just commit first degree murder over here."

"No, no, no one's suggesting that. Maybe just a little hit-and-run."

"Hey, boneheads," Taako pipes up. "We can't have an all-out brawl on a friggin' interstate, get real." He leans in, clasping his hands together. "We gotta follow them, wait until they're alone, and pounce!"

"But not hurt them," Angus interrupts firmly, looking at the two men again.

"Right, right," Taako says, waving the concern away.

As Angus watches them, he can only parse together a few details. Mostly because the van rocks so much that it's incredibly hard to hold still, but also because they're wearing typical biker gear: leather jackets, large helmets, gloves. Angus can really only tell that they are both male and both big, and even those details are shaky at best.

"Alright then," Magnus says, flipping on cruise control and tossing a bag of snacks over. "Let's play the waiting game."

 

They follow the two men for at least two hours.

It's kind of unbelievable. All of them are driving behind with bated breath, expecting them to pull over on the next stop or get off in some random hick town, but they're still staying strong. They pass the time by guessing random details about these men, and why they'd have to steal some teen's random collection of small furniture to get by.

There's Left Guy and Right Guy.

They've determined that Left Guy is an avid Yu-Gi-Oh! collector, and always has a deck on him in case of emergencies. He used to play the harmonica when he was younger, and he had a pet bird named Tennie that he loved a lot. He has to steal to pay off a viscous gambling debt in a casino owned by the mafia, but in his heart he wants to be a professional Razor scooter skater.

The Right Guy, through a committee decision, went through a "horse phase" in middle school that lasted a little too long, he loves karate movies but hates when popcorn is a little too buttered. He's bad at texting but can talk on the phone for hours with no awkward pauses. He's stealing because he has an addiction to porcelain cat figurines that got out of hand, and eventually he had a lot of porcelain cats but no place to live.

With sufficient yet fake profiles for both, they were all itching for some action. So when the two motorcyclists finally pulled off the highway and down a city limits road, it was a big sigh of relief. Maybe about half an hour off of their original route, Magnus follows them through shadier side streets and tinier roads until the they all pull up in front of a bar.

Not just any bar, Angus concludes, a biker bar.

The outside is even dingier in the daytime, since the sleaziness would look better against a night sky. The neon light proclaiming cheap booze flickers on and off, but even in the afternoon there's still a line of motorcycles outside of varying toughness. Heavy metal pours out from the broken windows, and there's loud shouting coming from inside. The sign says ‘The Rusted Nail’, which Angus thinks sounds more like a fantasy tavern than an actual bar.

"Look, there's our boys," Magnus says, and points towards Left and Right parking their hogs and hopping off. They both clap eachother's shoulders and continue inside through the shutter doors.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Merle asks, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Let's go get our stuff!"

"No, wait," Angus says, pressing his nose against the car window. Through the dingy and smeared glass windows, he can see the two men sit down near a window and order a couple of beers. "They can see their bikes from inside, they're not stupid."

"Aren't they, though?" Magnus asked in a high pitched, unsure tone. "They didn't notice the same red van following them for two hours, the van that they had broken into only minutes prior to us following them."

"Well, maybe not particularly observational," Angus admits, clicking a pen in his hand thoughtfully. "We need a distraction."

"Oh, that's my specialty, darling," Taako says. "Nobody can look away when I'm in the room, I’m Taako! From _TV._ "

"No, something else," Angus says, thinking.

"Well, your loss. I gotta take a wicked piss either way," Taako says, getting up. "So we might as well go inside."

"Yeah, yeah!" Angus says, also unbuckling his seatbelt. "Magnus, Merle, you wait here. Taako and I will go in there pretending to just need the restroom. They won't recognize us, they never saw us. I'll think of a distraction, and then give you the signal to get our stuff back, okay?"

"Ooh, spy mission. I like it," Merle says.

"Here." Angus pulls out his phone and dials Magnus, who answers.

"Hello, best dad speaking, how can I help you?" Magnus answers, waggling his eyebrows at Angus.

"Daaad," Angus says back into the phone. "This is serious business here!"

Magnus leans in with the biggest shit eating grin Angus has ever seen a man have. "Hi, serious business! I'm dad!"

God. Dammit.

The rest of them all boo collectively as Magnus eats it up, chuckling heartily. "Okay, okay. We'll be here."

"Cool," Angus says, and reaches over to make sure Magnus's end is on mute, before sticking his own phone in his pocket, like a one-way communication device. It kind of makes Angus wish he knew where those walkie-talkies he got for his twelfth birthday are, but he's pretty sure Penny Giamatto stole them at recess, which was a shit move to this very day.

"Okay, let's do this," Taako says, rubbing his hands together, and Angus nods.

They exit the van, with Magnus and Merle calling,"Be safe!" behind them.

Taako flashes back a heart signal to them with his hands, before turning around and placing his hands on Taako's back as they walk inside.

"Subtlety is key, here, remember that," Taako says, his voice low.

"Uh huh," Angus says, looking over Taako's outfit.

"Did I mention that it's weird how tall you are lately?" Taako asks, straightening himself out but still unable to grab an edge over Angus's stature. "Freaks me out," he mutters as they step through those double doors.

 

Immediately everyone turns to stare at the two of them.

Although they are both used to an entire room stopping as Taako enters, here, when they're trying to act inconspicuous, it's more than nerve wracking.

The music pouring from an old jukebox seems to skip, beer bottles clatter as they come to a stop, and the raucous conversations from moments before halt immediately.

It's weird, Angus thinks this was one of Taako's less outlandish outfits, since they did all get dressed in a hurry. Fringed jean jacket, leather pants, gold glitter boots. Angus couldn't tell the brands or anything like that, he guessed that it was trendy but he was never sure. Besides, he figured the jeans and leather fit right in a biker bar.

"Hello, yes, I've arrived," Taako announces, noticing the eyes on him. "Carry on, now."

The patrons at the bar seemingly roll their eyes or shrug it off, going back to their conversations. The metal kicks back up, and the bar is just as rowdy as ever.

"Sorry about that, some of these guys don't know what to do when they fall in love so quickly," a woman says from behind the bar.

She's obviously the bartender, from the way she's quickly wiping down the bar and refilling drinks with ease. Her eyes are constantly glancing around, appraising her surroundings, but her hands are busy with work. She taps her long black nails on the counter, smiling at the two of them. "Can I help you boys out?" she asks, wiping her hands.

"Yes, thank you," Taako says, taking a seat at one of the nearby bar stools. Angus steals the one next to him, subtly glancing over to see if the two thieves were still there.

They are indeed, still nursing beers and trading jokes while laughing. They don't seem to recognize Angus and Taako by the bar.

"What's your name, gorgeous?" Taako asks, extending a hand.

The bartender laughs, takes his hand, shakes it. "Sloane. I'm the owner here. Do you want anything to drink?"

"White wine spritzer for me, thanks. It's a little early," Taako says.

"Um," Sloane says, looking at her display case of alcohol. "I can do a gin and tonic with a little less gin," she offers apologetically. "We're not really a wine place."

"That's fine, completely fine." He places a hand on Angus's shoulder. "And a chocolate milk for the young man."

Angus tears his eyes away from the crowd to look back at Sloane. "Um, actually, a sprite if you have it." Sloane nods and goes to pour the drinks as Angus pulls out a notebook. “How long have you been the owner for this bar?” he asks.

Sloane passes over the Sprite, shrugging. “About two years now. I used to own it with my girlfriend, but she took an amazing job opportunity a few hours over, so now it’s just me.”

Angus nods, scribbling it down. “What’s your usual clientele here?”

Sloane jerks her head towards the rest of the bar. “You’re looking at it. Greasy guys looking for a hole in the wall to get good service.”

 "So why is this place so busy on a Thursday afternoon?"

"Oh," Sloane says mid-pour of the gin. "I thought that's why you guys were here. For the fun."

"Fun?" Taako asks. "What fun?"

At that, seemingly on cue, the lights dim down and focus on a crumpled machine on stage that springs to life as soon as the light hits it. A robot whirs and buzzes into a stance, its screen flashing obnoxiously.

"Hello, hello!" It calls to the filled bar. "My name is Hodge Podge, the trivia bot!" it says, in a mechanical but enthusiastic voice.

"What the in the fuck?" Taako asks, but is quickly shushed by an enthralled Angus.

Hodge Podge's screen flashes with a bowling name-type list. "Please form your teams! Please form your teams! Please form your teams!"

Most of the bar quickly sits down at certain tables, high fiving each other and fist bumping. Angus notices their two thieves sticking with each other at the same table. Angus takes his phone out and puts it on the bar next to them, turning off the screen but the call to Magnus still going.

"They're distracted," Angus mutters to Taako, loud enough for the phone to hear. "Let's make sure they stay that way."

Taako nods, puts his hand out in an arm wrestling position. "Trivia Newton Johns?"

"Trivia Newton Johns," Angus agrees, locking hands with Taako and nodding back.

They are passed a quiz form, and a buzzer for answering.

Sloane is looking on with amusement, wiping down the bar. "Yeah, Hodge Podge is only here for a few more weeks, I'm helping out a friend by testing him out on these guys. Then he's shipped off to preschoolers or something."

"Why did it need testing?" Angus asks.

Sloane makes a face. "Too many fireballs in the beginning."

Hodge Podge stops loading, and vibrates with energy. "Alright, time to begin! Since we are in BAR-MODE, our questions are always on HARD, and our category is always POPULAR CULTURE."

"Aw, sweet," Taako says under his breath. "Though my History skill checks are pretty stellar, too."

"Let's begin!" Hodge Podge says, and multicolored lights flash around the room. "First question, what hit 90s sitcom featured a loveable terrier named Eddie?”

Both Taako and a few others smashed their buzzers, with Taako barely edging out.

“That would be _Frasier,”_ Taako calls out, and Hodge Podge’s screen flashes a green checkmark.

“Correct!” it says, beeping. “One point to Trivia Newton Johns!”

The rest of the teams groan in frustration while Taako and Angus high five ceremoniously.

“Next question!” Hodge Podge says. “Which one of famed author Agatha Christie’s novels was adapted into a television series!”

Angus knows this one, it’s one of his favorite detective shows, but the thieving Left Guy manages to eek out a buzz first.

“Poirot!” Left Guy calls, holding his beer up in the air. “Love that British shit.” Dammit, these bikers were good.

Hodge Podge dings with another correct question. “Correct! One point to Let’s Get Quizzical!”

From there, it was off to the races.

Between Taako’s constant pop culture references and Angus’s nonstop consumption of more obscure references, they made quite the team. Fortunately, the nonstop questioning made the two bikers fully focused on the game, and not their bikes. Unfortunately, it was bringing out Angus’s more competitive side.

“The Matrix!”

_Ding!_

“Former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher!”

_Ding!_

“Crunch Wrap Supreme!”

_Ding!_

“Owen Wilson’s broken nose bump!”

_Ding! Ding! Ding!_

Taako and Angus both slump back in their barstools after quite a few onslaughts of questions. They were gunning for the lead, but their thieves were doing pretty well for themselves, too. Sloane pours them another gin-light tonic and Sprite, which they both gulp down heartily.

“This is rough stuff kid,” Taako says. “How long until our boys have thieved the thieves?”

Angus leans to the side, trying to sneak a peek out the darkened windows with Taako. They do catch a glimpse of Merle walking with a metal box, which he points at frantically before giving a big thumbs up to Taako.

Taako gives a big sigh of relief, as Angus whips his head back to glare at his guardian.

“Taako, sir…” Angus frowns. “What’s in the box?”

Taako takes another loud sip through his straw. “Huh, what’s that Mango? I think another question is coming up.”

Unbelievable. Even when confronted, his parents had a natural reaction to either lie or deny, a trait that is useful for a detective but not for a parent, and if Angus was being honest with himself in this dingy bar at 1 o’clock in the afternoon, he’s a little sick of it. “Alright, sir, I’m gonna call horseshit,” he says, clinking down his Sprite. “Why do you guys think that keeping secrets with me works?”

“We don’t keep any secrets, Ango,” Taako tries to say, but Angus is done.

 He throws his hands in the air, frustrated. “I’m a super sleuth, I know just about everything! I know about your pasts, I know about Merle’s weird plant fetish, I knew about Magnus’s secret turtle he hid from everybody for months before it died, and I know that you’re currently in a relationship with my former tutor Kravitz!”

At this, Taako blinks at him underneath the dim cheap lighting, and Angus can see tears reflected in his gaze. “I, I-“ he looks down at his hands in his lap. “I didn’t think…”

“You didn’t think I wouldn’t notice who you’re texting all the time, how you would two would always talk for so long after my lessons, heck, even the way he would mention your name oh-so-casually to me, I mean, sir, I’m not a complete buffoon!” Angus knows he’s going too far, pushing it, but it’s all out there now. “I don’t know what you thought you were protecting me from, like I wasn’t ready for you to be happy or something!”

Taako shakes his head desperately. “That wasn’t it!”

“Then what, sir? What was it?”

“ _I_ wasn’t ready!” Taako chokes out, clutching the fabric of his pants. In the distance, a question is read and answered, but it’s just a dull hum in the back of Angus’s mind.

He looks at his guardian, for the first time since Angus can remember is showing the cracks in his carefully laid foundation. Taako never showed weakness, never let himself be seen as anything less than in control. If he ever stared death in the face he would flirt with him, if he ever had to sacrifice he would laugh at the thought. Angus always admired him for that, but he thinks he respects the man before him too. The man who had the beginnings of wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, the man who has more callouses than skin at his fingertips, the man who helped raised Angus to take no shit.

“I wasn’t ready to start anything, with him,” Taako continues, still avoiding eye contact. “Because I wasn’t ready to make any more room in my life. I didn’t want to date my kid’s teacher, I didn’t want to have to compromise anything that would make me a worse parent. I didn’t want to have to take another step when I’ve already run a fucking marathon.”

Angus places his hand on top of Taako’s. “I wouldn’t mind, y’know. About you two.”

Taako gives a small laugh. “Yeah, I know, kiddo. That’s what scared me the most. That you and the two dingus’s would be perfectly fine with it, and then the only obstacles would be my own creation.” He shakes his head, finally looking up at Angus. “That’s my own battle, not yours.”

“I understand,” Angus says. “I’m sorry for pushing it.”

“No, no. I’m sorry for us trying to be all spooky and elusive.” He flips his hair behind his shoulder. “That wasn’t cool.”

Angus shakes his head. “No, I get it. I can’t know everything,” He looks off to the side. “Well, if we can’t get all our stuff back I think I can solve that.”

Taako wags his finger. “No, no, like I said, let us worry about that.”

“Wait, just listen to me-“

“Really, Ango, I don’t want to hear it-“

“Look.” Angus shoves his phone in Taako’s face, showing a recent email.

Taako reads aloud, “ _Congratulations, Angus McDonald, due to your excellent essay submission to our committee, we are pleased to reward you with our Excellency in Diversity scholarship, to be sent to you blah blah blah.”_ He looks up from the phone. “You wrote an essay?”

Angus nods. “And got money for it.”

“What? How? What did you write about?”

“Having three dads who love me, duh! They ate it up!”

Angus is jolted from his seat by Taako pulling him into a tight hug. “Nice work, kid,” Taako says, tears in his words.

Angus squeezes him back. “Thanks, sir,” he says, almost crying himself.

From the stage, Hodge Podge’s voice rings clear,”Alrighty, folks! Time for our final question for the win! Write your answer down on your cards and pass them up when you’re ready!”

Taako and Angus pull away, their competitive sides taking over.

“Which artist gained their fame from their popular hit _Call Me Maybe_ in 2012?”

Taako practically jumps from his seat. “Holy shit, holy shit!”

Angus fist pumps. “I know, I know!”

But from the corner of his eye, he can still see out the window. Magnus and Merle are both carrying the last large box, but they just spilled its contents everywhere, scattered across the dirt.

Angus facepalms. “Taako,” he says, meekly. “We gotta lose this one.”

“What?” Taako says, looking up from their trivia card. “But this is Our Question, Ango.”

“I know,” Angus says, but he looks over at Left Guy and Right Guy, who are high-fiving again as they write. “But if those guys lose, they might leave. And, well.” He jerks his head towards the window, where Merle and Magnus are desperately trying to gather up all the stuff while it keeps falling out again.

Taako sees the scene too, and throws his head back and sighs dramatically. “God. Dammit.”

“I know,” Angus repeats.

Taking one for the team, Angus and Taako dutifully yet painfully have to write the words “Mariah Carey” on their card and pass it up, both clutching each other in miserable support.

Hodge Podge calculates the responses, buzzing quickly. “Thank you for your responses! The correct answer is….”

A mechanical drum roll plays. “Carly Rae Jepsen!”

The bikers cheer as Angus and Taako groan.

“Meaning the winner is, the Let’s Get Quizzical!”

Angus and Taako collapse at their stools, weeping dramatically as the bikers hoot and holler. Sloane pats their heads and pours them more drinks.

“It was worth it, I guess,” Angus commiserates, when they hear a:

“Hey! That’s our stuff!”

It’s Left Guy and Right Guy, staring out the window as Merle and Magnus load the last of the van.

“What the fuck!? We _just_ stole that shit!”

Taako sits up. “Zoinks, gotta go!” he says, pulling Angus’s arm. “Thanks, Sloaney! We’ll never forget ya!”

Sloane gives them a playful salute as Taako and Angus hightail it out of there, through the shuttered doors and out into the blaring light.

Merle and Magnus are standing outside, locking up the van when they see Angus and Taako burst through the doors.

“C’mon,we gotta _go,_ ” Taako shouts, racing towards the van along with Angus, who dives into the passenger seat.

The two men erupt from the bar, the doors slamming open, and they’re foaming at the mouth.

“Hey! What the fuck!” Right Guy shouts.

“Give us back our shit that was your shit!” Left Guy says.

Merle clasps his hands together before taking a step forward. “Gentlemen, gentlemen, no need for fighting. We are simply seeking justice. And although you’re trying to repay a mafia debt and an addiction to porcelain cats, we still need our stuff.”

The bikers share a confused look before turning back to Merle. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Left guy asks.

“Yeah, we just like stealin’!” Right Guy says.

“We get off on it, you see.”

Merle tilts his head. “Ah. Yes. Well, with that…” He turns and sprints towards the van. “See ya, suckers!”

As Merle jumps in the driver’s seat and immediately books it, kicking the van into high gear and tearing out of the motorcycle parking lot like a bat out of hell. Angus sees the two bikers in the rearview mirror, hopping on their bikes and following quickly behind.

“Go, faster, faster!” Magnus shouts, waving his arm. “I’m too young to go back to jail!”

“I don’t think three hours of community service counts as ‘jail’. Also, homie, since when have you been considered young?”

“Shut up, Taako!” Magnus says over the roar of the engine. “I saw a grey hair in your roots the other day!”

Taako gasps and immediately starts combing through his hair as Magnus laughs.

“I will turn this van around!” Merle shouts, turning the van onto the freeway so violently they tilt slightly, causing Magnus and Taako to slide into each other painfully.

Angus is still watching the rearview mirror, seeing the bikers close behind. “This is kind of fun!” he calls, a little giddy.

Merle thumps the side of the van. “Ol’ Pan here can take just about anything.”

Magnus points ahead. “Yeah, except for the edge of the cliff up ahead!”

The rest of the van quickly turns and look out the windshield, bracing themselves for the worst.

Up ahead is just more freeway.

Magnus chuckles uproariously. “Fuckin’ got’em!”

Merle grumbles, but is otherwise glued to the road, even though his feet barely reach the pedals. “I have an idea,” he says, checking his blindspot just before they all drive under an underpass.

The car is shrouded in darkness, and Angus can only see for a few moments at a time; the two bikers are there and gone and there and gone again underneath the orange glow of the tunnel lights.

In the cover of night, Merle nearly slams on the brake pedal, sending the van far behind the two bikers. He switches to the far right lane, and they all emerge from the underpass.

The two bikers, on the left lanes, take the fork in the highway, seemingly still thinking they’re following them.

Merle quietly takes them the right way, separating the vehicles and escaping their pursuers.

As the van slows down and they all roll away, they all let out a sigh of relief.

Nobody says anything for a good long time, letting the passing hills ride by, the blue skies dim slightly, the cow fields pass by without any tallying. Angus lets his head roll against the cool glass window, his heart rate slowing down.

After a while, in the silence, Merle speaks up, “So, Taako’s hot for teacher, huh?”

Magnus erupts with an ‘Oooooooooooooooooooooooo!’ as Taako balks and stammers in anger.

“What the hell, how do you know?”

Merle just holds up Magnus’s phone, with the current hour and a half phone call on it.

“Kravitz, huh?” Magnus asks, poking Taako’s side. “Oh, he’s so out of your league.”

“Hey!” Taako protests, bright red and his voice two octaves higher. “Um, can we talk about Merle’s four plant magazine subscriptions real quick? Like, let’s get on _that_ subject for a hot fuckin’ sec!”

“No one’s listeniiiing,” Merle sing songs gleefully. “Because everyone knows Taako and Kravitz, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-“

“K-I-L-L-I-N-G!” Taako shouts, lunging forward to grab Merle.

Angus laughs hard, joining in on the singing and only screaming a little when the van almost keels over.

 

 

 

Later that night, in their cheap motel room, Angus walks out of the bathroom to find his three guardians watching reruns of Wheel of Fortune.

“Hey, Ango, dinner,” Magnus says, placing a hot cup o’ ramen in Angus’s hands as he sits on the bed in his pajamas.

“Thanks, sir,” Angus says, slurping up a noodle. “So,” he begins, mouth full. “My orientation is tomorrow at 11am sharp. I can’t be late, we have to be there.”

Merle turns down the volume of Pat Sajak’s smug face. “So that means…” he trails off, pursing his lips. “In less than twenty-four hours, you’ll be all settled in away from us.”

Angus pauses mid-noodle. “Oh, yeah.” He sighs. “I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

Taako lies back on the crappy double bed. “Did you have to go to the school the literal farthest away from us?” He looks over at Angus. “Not to guilt trip, bubbeluh. We know it’s the best school out there for you.”

“Yeah, we’re super excited for you!” Magnus says, patting his back. “We better hit the hay, though, if we wanna make it on time!”

Angus nods, but as they all settle into the two beds to sleep, he’s never felt so nervous in his life.

 

**F R I D A Y**

**a now or never scenario**

Angus wakes up at 5am, unable to fall back asleep. The sun has just barely risen, and the light filters into the motel room in long lines broken up by cheap window blinds. Magnus is snoring next to him, and doesn’t stir when Angus sits up in the bed. Taako and Merle fell asleep with Taako starfishing on the bed and Merle curled up on the edge like a dog. He remembers when they lived in a cramped two bedroom apartment, when Angus was really little, and although they all had separate beds more often than not Angus would end up getting a nightmare and hopped in with one of his parents. Merle was the best with nightmares, he would brew special tea and tell wild, elaborate, no-way-this-is-true stories until Angus fell right back asleep. Taako was more of a hot chocolate sort of comfort, and Magnus was and always will be a snuggler.

Angus wonders if his new dorm roommate had nightmares. The roommate survey they filled out indicated that they were both morning people, both okay with a little messiness (Angus lived with the three most disorganized people in the world, he can handle it), and both didn’t mind a few people over every now and then. What it didn’t tell Angus was if his roommate was one of those guys who got weirded out by men crying, or if he would be down with sitting up until late just talking about nothing, or if he, shudder, put up tacky Bob Marley posters.

He shuffles out of the blankets, rubbing at his eyes before putting on his glasses. Maybe he’ll go down to the Starbucks across the street and get some coffee for all of them.

He rummages around in his suitcase, finds some jeans (yes, he actually owns a pair of non-fancy jeans, but at least they’re black)  and pulls them on. Magnus’s wallet is on the nightstand, and he pulls out a ten, knowing Magnus would be okay with it.

Someone stirs behind him.

“Hey, Ango.” Merle sits up, blinking heavily. “Where’re you going?”

“Just to get some coffee before we leave,” Angus says.

“You want some company?”

“Of course.”

It takes Merle a while to find some shorts and to button up a Hawaiian shirt, but eventually they both leave Taako and Magnus to sleep while they leave the motel.

Nobody else is up and about, except for a similarly tired-looking maid who still gives them a warm smile as they pass. When they walk out the front door, they are met with an onslaught of the morning sun in their eyes, Merle immediately groaning.

“Ugh, this time zone difference is really messing me up,” Merle says, and Angus realizes that, yes, it’s three hours ahead on the other side of the country and that means Angus technically woke up at 2am. Which makes him feel even more tired.

The Starbucks is just opening as they walk in, but there’s a small enough line.

“Get me one of those really sugary blended drinks,” Merle says.

“Sir, it’s the morning.”

“Then ask them to put a shot of espresso in it.”

When Angus doesn’t laugh good-naturedly, Merle shoots him a look. “Hey, kid, you okay?”

Angus sighs, scratching at his inner elbow. He hates that Merle can see into him so easily. All of them can, actually, he’s not that hard to read. “I think it just hit me this morning, that’s all. That I’m leaving.”

Merle guffaws. “Angus, what in the hell do you think we’ve been doing for the past five days?”

Angus shrugs. “It’s different, I guess. Being five days away from something than being five hours from it.”

Merle sighs, patting Angus’s arm. “I get that. But I promise you, you’re gonna do this, and you’re gonna do great.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because everybody in humanity’s existence has tried something they didn’t think they were ready for and ended up fine.” Merle points at himself. “I didn’t think I was ready to be a dad, then I ended up raising you.”

“You have to say that,” Angus says. “It’s a parental requirement.”

“Well, sure. But don’t you think I haven’t had my doubts? That I haven’t lied awake at night thinking, ‘Oh, god, what have I done, I’m an idiot’? Everyone has had those thoughts.” He shakes Angus’s arm a little. “The best way to do anything is to do it now. Even if it’s not perfect, even if you’re unsure, do it anyways.”

Angus hums thoughtfully, furrowing his brows. “So, do you think I’m ready?”

Merle snorts. “Kid, you were born ready.”

They both stand there, smiling at each other in the early morning, enjoying the few brief moments of understanding they rarely have together.

The cashier coughs. “Um, are you guys gonna order anything, or…?”

 

They come back to the motel room, tray of coffee in hand, to find Magnus and Taako curled up underneath one blanket watching morning talk shows. They were almost falling asleep again before Angus walked in, handing them both cups of coffee. Iced for Taako, caramel for Merle, black for Magnus.

“Are you two ready to go? Angus asks cheerfully.

They both blearily look up, blink, and nod slowly before closing their eyes again.

Merle kicks the bottom of the bed. “Nope, none of that, c’mon, the road’s a waitin’!”

After some more protests, groans, shuffling, bargaining, and finally acceptance, they all kick it into gear, with bags packed, teeth brushed, hair meticulously styled (Taako) and beards meticulously trimmed (Magnus), they cram themselves into the van one last time. As Merle is coming out of checking out of the room, he approaches Angus, spinning the keys in his hands.

“Hey, kid, you wanna drive this stretch?” Merle asks.

Angus’s face splits into a wide smile. “Really, sir?” Merle usually never let him drive, Angus had to learn on Barry’s old sedan that always smelled like French fries. Merle was the one to teach him, however, with infinite amounts of patients but an endless supply of lighthearted digs at Angus’s sweatiness.

“You did learn from the best, after all.”

Angus takes the keys gleefully, hopping into the driver’s seat, immediately adjusting the seat to his height, and looking back at Taako and Magnus, still half asleep in the car.

“Sirs! Look!” Angus says, turning on the van. “I’m driving!”

Taako lazily holds his head up off of Magnus’s shoulder. “Yeah, hun, you learned how to do that two years ago. Call me when you can do some sweet drifting, okay?”

Angus laughs. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Merle enters the passenger seat, buckling up his seatbelt, and stares at Angus. “If you hurt my baby, I will disown you,” he says in a grave manner, shadows casting across his face.

Angus laughs again, this time a little more uneasy. “Sir, aren’t I your baby?”

Merle strokes the leather detailing of the interior softly, looking distant. “Uh huh, yeah, sure.” He shakes his head, focusing in. “Okay, we only have about four more hours until here and our destination, and it’s just a straight shot down the I-20 eastwards, got it?”

Angus nods. “Got it. And we have five and a half more hours until my orientation.”

Magnus groans, picking his head up. “Why are we arriving an hour and a half early?”

Angus shifts the car into gear, turning off the emergency brake. “Because there’s no such thing as being overly cautious!” With that, the van kicks off, pulling away from the motel parking lot and down the small-town streets.

The town is a bit more awake at this hour, with different pedestrians mulling about or briskly walking to work, but the vibe is decidedly more East Coast than what Angus is used to. For one, there is a significant decrease in longboarding, something that he knows Taako kicks ass at but never got a chance to teach Angus.

He is determined to focus on the road, with his knuckles gripping the steering wheel and his body on high alert for anything amiss. Merle is being his typical backseat driver self, easing Angus to slow down on certain roads and to take turns a little smoother. It can get irritating after a while, but Angus is trying to take it in stride. Merle and Taako are asleep for the first hour or so of their journey, their coffee cooling in the cup holders.

Since Angus is driving, he can finally pick the playlist, which he agonizes over for at least fifteen minutes, having Merle flip through different playlists on his phone until he finally decides on a mix of chill lo-fi hip hop beats that Merle insists isn’t “real hip hop” but Magnus commends him on thoroughly.

Although less so than on the first few days, they spot enough cow fields that the score is currently neck-and-neck, with Magnus and Angus having seven to Taako and Merle’s seven. A cemetery could make or break the game, and everyone knows it.

“Hey, Ango,” Magnus says, about three hours in, shaking his arm. “You getting excited?” he asks.

Angus keeps his eyes on the road ahead, glaring at a car swerving in front of him to get ahead. “Um, I think I am, a little bit.”

Taako butts into the conversation, “C’mon, you’re gonna go to cool parties, flirt with people way out of your league, and, like, discover your true self or whatever. Doesn’t that sound exciting?”

Angus tilts his head, considering. “Well, I do enjoy meeting new people, I even like flirting when I’m not too sweaty, but I am already comfortable with who I am. If I change, though, that’s okay, because I trust myself to know what I’m doing.”

Merle snorts. “Jeez, who raised this kid to be so mature and responsible?”

“Definitely not us,” Magnus says.

“Yeah, no friggin’ way we had anything to do with that.”

Angus laughs, shaking his heads. “Whatever you say, sirs.” He glances at a passing sign, indicating the next exits. “Anyway, even if I’m not excited I better get that way fast since we’re almost there.” Even the words leave him with a knot of both dread and anticipation in his stomach.

“Wow, that was fast,” Magnus says in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Angus agrees. “I guess today is just smooth sailing from here!”

And that’s where he learns to never say anything akin to “smooth sailing” or “nothing will happen” because Angus is trope-savvy enough to know that the universe loves proving those statements wrong, and today is no exception.

Merle is pointing out the window. “Okay, we just gotta take that bridge; that’s really the only entrance into your new city, Angus.”

Magnus and Taako immediately crowd up the front, eager to get a luck.

Magnus whistles. “Wow, Ango. This is…this is a big city.”

He’s not wrong. The city from a distance has a huge cluster of skyscrapers, tallest he’s seen, and surrounding that are miles and miles of large buildings ranging from quirky to industrial, all interconnected into a big city haven. It’s almost ten in the morning, so it already seems to be buzzing with livelihood

. It’s the first time this whole trip that Angus is actually getting pretty excited about this. His hometown is fairly big, but this is everything he’s dreamed of. He can already picture himself sleuthing for clues in the dirty streets, or bar hopping with a bunch of friends on a night off, or inviting his family up there for sightseeing. He can’t help but grin. Merle squeezes his hand on the gearstick, smiling too.

The smile quickly fades though as they approach the long bridge separating them from the city.

“Oh, shit,” Merle says, inspecting the traffic.

The cars on the bridge are lined up bumper to bumper from way back, Angus can barely even get on the bridge before they are at an absolute standstill. They all peer ahead to see if they can identify an end in traffic, or even the cause, but it’s no use.

“The entire bridge is backed up,” Magnus says, shaking his head. “This is a madhouse.”

Angus taps his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. “But this is just big city traffic, right?” he asks about all the honking around him. “Typical stuff, yeah?”

Merle hums, shaking his head. “Nah, this seems worse than that. It’ll probably take an hour or so to get out of this.”

Angus is quivering in his seat. “No, no. That can’t be right.” His breathing quickens, heart pounding. “We’ll be late for orientation if that’s true.” He’s shaking his head. “And we can’t be late for that!”

Magnus is rubbing at his shoulder, a concerned look on his face. “Hey, calm down bud. I’m sure if traffic is this bad, everyone else might be late, too. No big deal.”

Angus shakes his head more, clutching his temples. “I don’t care about everyone else! I care about _/me/_ getting there on time!"

His parents all exchange worried looks, and Angus lets himself slump against the steering wheel.

"I just wanted to be able to control something," Angus mutters, his face full of wheel. "Everything right now is so chaotic, and I'm so unsure about everything, that being on time was something I could make sure of." He sighs. "I guess that's out the window now."

Taako is rubbing small but persistent circles into Angus's back as he slumps. "Do you not want to go to this school?"

Angus lifts his head up to shake it stubbornly. "No, that's not it. This is my dream school, my dream major, I really want to go here."

"Then what's up, Mango?" Magnus asks. "What are you so afraid of?"

"Being on my own," Angus says, closing his eyes. "I know you've all given me pep talks, and you all believe in me, but I'm afraid that if I fail..." he trails off, before sighing and picking up again. "I'm afraid if I fail, then it's all true. It's true that I'm codependent, that I have abandonment issues, and that I'm difficult to adjust to new situations."

Merle frowns. "Hey, hey, who told you all that?"

Angus sits back up, throwing his hands out. "I've read Lucretia's old files on me! I know what the therapists said, what you guys have said in whispers in the kitchens when you think I'm not there, and I know what I am." He shakes his head. "I just wanted to be able to prove it wrong, for once."

A horn honks behind them, and Angus drives up a few feet forward accordingly.

Magnus, Taako and Merle all share another look, before focusing back on Angus.

"Angus, all that stuff was from over _ten years_ ago," Merle says.

"Yeah, for sure," Taako adds. "You've changed, Angus. Just like you said, you know who you are and you're comfortable with being different, but I don't think you realize how different you already are."

Magnus ruffles Angus's hair. "You're a man, now. When you were a kid, sure, you needed us. But we've watched you grow up into someone who's confident, capable, and ready to take on the world."

"And we couldn't be prouder!" Merle pipes up.

"You don't have to prove anything," Taako says. "You're fucking killing it already, and nothing's gonna change that."

"Even if you have to come home sometimes. Even if it's hard. Even if you think you're failing, you're still gonna be fine," Merle says.

Magnus squeezes his shoulder. "Because we always got your back."

Angus sniffles, and wipes away some tears. They’re right, even though all of this, this whole trip, all the chaos and trouble and everything else, he didn’t doubt for a second that his family wasn’t there for him. And he knows that even thousands of miles apart, they’ll still be there for him whenever he needs it.

“Okay,” he says, lifting his head up. “Okay.” He inhales, exhales. “Thank you for that.”

Magnus gives him a light punch. “Anytime. But now it’s time to get you to school.”

Merle takes another glance at the fully stopped traffic. “Yeah, if we can ever get out of that mess.”

Taako stares out his window, pointing. “Hey, what if we ask her what’s up?” he asks, pointing at a uniformed cop leaning against a motorcycle parked on the bridge’s sidewalk, looking bored but on high alert. He starts rolling down his window, waving his arm out. “Yoohoo, officer, can you come over here a quick sec?”

The cop looks up from talking on her radio, staring at the van. She sighs, and Angus can tell she’s debating even coming over. Eventually, she does make her way through the street and up to the van’s window, where Taako is still waiting with a smile. Almost on cue, she says in her most monotone tone, “There is an unlicensed event happening today, we are trying to shut it down but there is no telling when the traffic will move again, we are estimating about an hour or so.” It’s clear she’s had to say this more than a few times today.

Despite the previous sappy pep talk, Angus still deflates with disappointment. He was really looking forward to the tour and barbeque.

Magnus leans over Taako, waving at the cop. “Hi, I’m Magnus!” he says, turning on his rustic charm.

It seems to have no effect on the officer, who isn’t feeling particularly hospitable. “Hello. I’m Officer Hurley,” she says, still monotone. “Do you have any other questions, or…?”

“What happened?” Angus asks, also opening his window.

She glances up at him.  “Honestly? Every year a lot of people race their bikes through town, backing up a lot of traffic. It’s definitely illegal, but also super cool.” She sighs, looking at the sky. “Too bad I’m on duty today.”

“Why?” Merle asks, poking out from behind Angus. “Do you race, too? Do you have your own motorcycle?”

Officer Hurley clutches her radio tighter, glancing around nervously. “What, no. It’s illegal. Who told you that I did?”

Angus squints, but keeps silent.

“So there’s no way that we’re gonna get through this any earlier,” Magnus states.

Hurley puts a hand on her hip. “’Fraid not.”

“Okay, well, can you wait right here for just a mo’?” Taako asks, his voice dripping with artificial sweetener.

Hurley sighs again. “Sure, it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool,” Taako says, before turning back to the van. “Alright team, huddle.”

All of them get into their classic family team huddle, hands on shoulders, noses leaned in.

Merle talks first, “So we gotta get Angus to his orientation on time, and we’re not gonna do it just sitting here.”

Magnus nods,”And I think Hurley is our key.”

Taako nods as well, humming in agreement. “We just have to trick her into helping us. Maybe with a really high persuasion roll, or using Angus’s high charisma, or-“

Angus rolls his eyes, and leans away from the huddle and out of the window again. “Officer Hurley?” he calls out to her. The officer turns around and nods at him.

“What’s up, kid?”

“You like motorcycles, yes?”

“Uh, sure do.”

“How long have you been racing?”

Hurley pauses to think. “Ever since I could sit on the back of a bike without falling off, I was racing.”

Angus nods, nods again, pauses to think. “We met some motorcyclists yesterday.”

Hurley frowns. “Uhuh. They sure do exist around the world.”

Angus sucks in his breath. “Okay, I know this is a long shot, but do you happen to know a woman named Sloane?”

At that, Hurley pauses, her hand still on her notebook. She gives a small, soft smile. “The owner of the Rusted Nail in a small town about a few hours from here?”

Angus gasps, “Yes, her!”

Hurley’s smile grows wider. “Yes, I know her.”

“She helped us! She was super nice to us!”

Taako butts in, giving a thumbs up. “Yeah, cool lady.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hurley says. “I believe it. She’s always got a soft spot.”

Angus presses on. “Well, you know, I’m gonna be late for orientation at the university I’m going to.”

“No shit?” Hurley asks. “The state school here?”

“Yup!”

“What major?”

Angus pushes up his glasses. “I’m going to be studying Criminal Justice, officer.”

Hurley gives a small laugh. “You’re kidding! I’m an alumni there, degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in Environmental Studies.”

“Wow, that’s awesome! So I have someone to look up to!”

Merle whispers, “I told you that kid has high Charisma.”

Hurley looks side to side, at the traffic, and back at Angus. “You’re gonna be late, you said?”

“Yes, officer.”

She pauses, pressing a pen to her lips in thoughts. “Alright.” She sighs, puts away her radio and notebook. “I’ll escort you guys there through this traffic. For Sloane, and for a fellow bright mind.”

The whole van bursts into cheers, shaking Angus and punching the ceiling of the van.

“Nice persuasion, kiddo!” Magnus calls.

Hurley grins. “And if I say it’s for a very important escort, then I won’t get in trouble for joining the race!” She points at Angus. “But if anybody asks, you’re having like, an asthma attack or something.”

Angus nods. “Got it.”

Hurley goes back to her police motorcycle, rummages around, and produces a second helmet. She walks back, and holds it out to Angus. “Well, you comin’ with me?”

Angus balks at the helmet, shaking his head. “I’m, I’m gonna ride with you?”

Hurley shrugs. “Well, if your folks are okay with it. I’m a safe driver, don’t worry,” she says, winking.

“Well, I don’t know…” He turns around, silently asking his parents for permission.

His guardians all give the thumbs up.

“You got this, kid,” Merle says.

“Yeah, it’ll be a blast!” Magnus says, a mixture of pride and jealousy on his face.

“Don’t chicken out!” Taako says, smiling.

Angus bites his lip, trying to smother his excitement. “Okay, I’ll do it!”

Hurley smiles. “Cool. Your parents and older brother,” she says, jerking her head at Magnus, “can follow us behind.”

Magnus snickers, elbowing Taako. “Did you hear that? _I’m_  the older brother.”

Taako crosses his arms, stewing. “Shut up.”

Angus is climbing out of the car and putting on the helmet.

“Keep him safe!” they all three call out, and Hurley gives them a salute.

Angus clicks on the helmet, and wraps his arms around Hurley’s waist respectfully. “Alright, so are we just going to cruise down the streets or-“

“Hold on tight,” she says, and Hurley flips on the siren, lurching the bike into motion, almost sending Angus flying.

They’re shooting down the blocked off sidewalk, no pedestrians, the sirens ringing through his ears. Angus holds on tighter, letting out a prolonged scream.

Hurley, however, is hollering loudly with pure joy.

Cars are flinging past at high speeds, and Angus can only look at them for a second before they are launched into higher speeds.

The structure of the bridge flies by, the beams shuffling past his vision quickly as he holds on for dear life. Red and blue flashes in his eyesight, almost overwhelming him. As he looks behind him for just a second, he can see Pan the Van chugging behind them, albeit much slower.

As they speed off the bridge, Angus can see how far the traffic really is backed up, for at least a mile or so. It would have been impossible to make it to orientation on time, but now?

“Hold on!” Officer Hurley yells, revving up the engine. “We’re gonna take a quick detour!”

And just like that, they dip low into a turn, Angus screaming the whole time, so they make it onto an empty side street past sidewalk police barriers.

“Where are we going?!” Angus calls back.

“To where the action is!”

And up ahead, Angus sees it, the back of a pack of other motorcyclists.

He can smell the burning rubber against the gravel, and coughs against the kicked up dust the race is bringing. Hurley is laughing manically, and speeds up to join the rest of them.

The siren causes the other motorcyclists in the back to part slightly, but they don’t pull over.

Hurley slows down a touch just to yell, “Hiya, boys! Don’t mind me, just an escort here!” She gives a quick wave to them, to which the other bikers return, and then speeds up again.

To make her way through the throngs of the race, she’s weaving quickly in and between the competition, and Angus feels himself giddy with excitement.

When they barely avoid a police barrier as they drift around a corner, Angus even lets out a laugh.

“That’s the spirit! And don’t worry, your folks will catch up!”

Sure enough, which Angus turns around he can only see the van barely behind the others, but following them nonetheless.

“Now let’s make this a real race,” Hurley says, and revs her engine again.

The motorcycle lurches into motion, and soon they’re weaving through the race at top speeds, the siren still blaring in his ears.

Off to the sides, crowds are gathered to watch, cheering on and waving tiny flags.

“They don’t mind the races?” Angus shout-asks over the wind beating in his ears.

“What? No way! They love it!”

Angus thinks he’s going to like this city.

They dip through a quick empty alleyway, turning over a few trashcans, and come out the other end farther up in the race.

Angus cheers into the wind as loud as he can, even allowing himself a quick fist pump as they breeze past others at top speeds.

“There’s the finish line!” Hurley shouts, pointing up ahead.

Indeed, there is a makeshift banner held out at the end of a long street, and hordes of people gathered around to cheer.

There’s only a few other bikers ahead of them.

Angus is grinning ear to ear. “We can make it! We can make it!”

Hurley laughs, shaking her head. “Hell no, I’m not making the front page neglecting my duties.” At that, she holds out an arm to signal a right turn, and follows suit, swerving the bike out of the race and back onto the main roads. “Besides, we have a different destination, remember?”

And Angus sees it.

Up ahead, in a cluster of grand but aging buildings, with new age technology but a hint of old classic charm, is his university. The buildings he’s seen in his brochures hundreds of times, the one he’s poured over while browsing the website, the image he pinned to his corkboard and said to himself, “One day.” And it’s right there, waiting for him.

Angus checks his watch. 10:59.

Hurley pulls around to the front, and Angus can see a quad filled with freshman students, booths and banners, and a big sign that says ‘FRESHMAN ORIENTATION STARTS HERE!’. As they’re pulling up, students turn to gawk at the police officer with a student on the back.

As soon as they stop, Angus is running out and up to the check in booth, feeling the clock ticking. The student volunteer stares as he approaches.

“Angus McDonald, here,” he says, out of breath, and then immediately bends over to vomit.

A few other people take a step back, but otherwise they’re saying a few “Hell yeahs!” and “Fuckin’ awesome’.

“Angus!” he hears three voices yell, and as he wobbily stands back up and looks over his shoulder he sees the van pulling up and all three of his parents racing out of the car.

Magnus get to him first. “Dude, that was fucking! Awesome! You looked so cool!”

Merle gives him a high five. “What a way to make yourself known!”

Taako pulls a peppermint out of his pocket and holds it out to him. “Here, pumpkin.”

Angus gratefully takes the mint and pops it in his mouth. “Thanks, guys.”

In the distance, a different volunteer wearing a university polo is standing on a chair and speaking through a megaphone. “Alright, freshman! The tour starts in five minutes! First stop are your dorms, so grab your stuff and get a move on!”

The volunteer at the booth clears her throat. “Um, here’s your ID badge,” she says, and hands him a lanyard with his name on it.

Angus eagerly puts it on as soon as someone else comes up to him.

“Hey, are you Angus?” another boy asks, walking up and holding out a hand. “I think you’re my roommate. I’m Steven? Steven Fischer. Music major.” He has long, dark dreads underneath a purple beanie and a relaxed smile. He seems cool, Angus realizes with relief. “It’s good to meet you.”

“Yes, hi, I’m Angus! Criminal justice!” Angus says, dorkily, taking the hand and shaking eagerly. “This is gonna be great!”

Steven laughs good-naturedly. “Yeah man, cool. Cool cool. So, you wanna join me for this tour?”

“Yeah, of course!” Angus says, but then takes a look back at his parents, who are back at the van talking with Officer Hurley. “But lemme say goodbye, first.”

Steven nods with understanding. “No doubt, take your time. I’ll meet up with you.” With that, he wanders off.

Angus makes his way back over to his family, and nods at Hurley. “Thank you, for that,” he says, smiling.

Hurley laughs. “Thanks for saving me from the most boring shift, ever, kid.” She rummages through her pockets, producing a card. “And if you ever need anything, or get into trouble, or even drink too much, gimme a call.”

The card says ‘OFFICER HURLEY- CERTIFIED BADASS’ with her cell number written underneath. Angus tucks it into his shirt pocket. “Hey, thanks!”

“No problem,” she says with a wink, walking back to her bike and hoping on. “Well, I’m off. The afterparty for the race is gonna be at the cemetery.”

All of them pause, look at each other.

“A cemetery?” Angus echoes.

Merle clasps his hands together. “If you had to guess, on this road, do you think it’s on the right side or the left side?”

Hurley frowns, but faces towards the East, estimating. “I’d say on the left side.”

Magnus claps, hooting. “That’s Taako and Merle’s side! We win! Me and Ango win!”

Merle scoffs. “No way, he was driving for the last stretch! It was on your side!”

“Oh, come on, we were on the right side the whole time!” Magnus counters.

“We totally won!” Angus says, high-fiving Magnus.

“This isn’t the end of this,” Taako says, with Hurley rolling her eyes next to them.

“Y’all are weird, I’m out,” she says, turning on the engine.

They all pause their argument to wave, and Taako calls, “If you ever see Sloane again, say hi from us!”

Hurley snorts. “Of course I’ll see her again, she’s my girlfriend.” And with that, she flips on her helmet visor, and speeds off into the distance.

 

Leaving Angus along with his three dads, standing by the van.

Magnus, the tallest and strongest and the one who would put him on his shoulders to see the fireworks better at Disneyland, is already crying. He goes to hug him first, wrapping his large arms around Angus’s frame, only a few inches taller than Angus, which is still jarring to him. Magnus buries his head in Angus’s shoulder, squeezing tight.

“I am so, _so_ proud of you,” he says. “You make me proud to be a father.”

Merle, the smallest but the wisest, the one who always has a sage quote to pull out of nowhere but is also the one who forgets his friends’ names or makes a tactless joke at a fancy party, and who loves Angus despite the occasional jab, also comes over to give Angus a big hug on top of Magnus. Angus and Magnus both kneel down on the sidewalk to include his short stature.

“You’re my best accomplishment, you know,” Merle says, simple as that, as if it’s obvious, as if it’s always been obvious. “I wouldn’t trade ya for the world, and that’s a lot coming from me.”

They both look up at Taako, gesturing him to join in.

Taako, the secret soft spot, the one who would bake him cookies whenever he was sad and who cheered so loud at his high school graduation he almost got removed from the building, doesn’t even pull of his ‘too cool for school’ shtick for a second, because he almost immediately comes around and kneels with them, wrapping his arms around them all and leaning his head on top of Angus’s.

“I didn’t know everyone else was writing all these dope last lines, sorry.” He gives Angus a small peck on the head. “I love you though, Ango. Always will.”

Angus’s cheeks are already soaked with tears, but he’s not actively crying. He just lets himself be held one last time by his parents, the ones who raised him, the ones who made him who he is. He lets himself love his family for just a little longer.

After a few moments, Merle pulls away first, wiping at his eyes. “Okay, okay. Let’s get all his stuff out. And then, presents!”

Trying to keep an upbeat spirit about it, they all start unloading the boxes from the van. After all is said and done, there’s only a duffle bag and boxes full of bedding and décor that’s left on the sidewalk. The events of the past week left it a little disheveled, but for the most part they empty out the van with little issue.

When everything is out of the van and ready to be moved into the dorm, his three parents line up in front of him.

“You guys drove me all the way out here, you really didn’t have to get me anything…” Angus says, only to be immediately shushed by his guardians.

“Me first!” Taako says, and goes back into the van to uncover a box underneath a throw blanket. “Close your eyes!” Angus complies, and is immediately weighted with a heavier box thrust into his arms.

As Angus opens his eyes, he is met with a cardboard box. Inside is an older waffle iron, a classic one probably from a few decades ago, but still in working condition.

“It was my Nana’s that I used when I was your age, too,” Taako explains. He softens with a smile. “I wanted us to still be making breakfast together, in a way.”

“Wow, thanks, sir,” Angus says, trying not to sound as choked up as he is. He places the waffle iron down before wrapping Taako in a tight hug. “I love it!”

“Ooh, ooh, me next!” Magnus says, and Angus obliges by stepping over next in line. “Don’t worry, I won’t have you close your eyes for this one,” he says, and takes the hilt off of his belt and hands it over.

Angus gasps, take it gently. “Your grandfather’s knife!”

“Your great-grandfather’s knife,” Magnus corrects, but he grins. “It’s yours, now.”

Angus wipes away another tear. “Wow, thank you! I can’t believe this!”

“What I can’t believe,” Merle interrupts, clearing his throat. “Is how I have all of you beat!”

“Oh, please, you’re just regifting like you always do,” Taako says, but there’s a glint in his eyes that gives away his excitement.

Angus steps up to Merle.

“Hold out your hand, and close your eyes,” Merle instructs.

Angus does, expecting a potted plant to appear in his hands, or some dirt, or even something completely inappropriate like a joint or a box of condoms.

Instead, he hears the jangle of keys.

As Angus opens his eyes, he indeed sees the keys to Pan the Van in his hand.

“B-but, I don’t, what?” Angus says, looking up at Merle, who’s shrugging.

“You’re in college, you’re gonna need a way to get around!” he says.

Angus looks at his other parents, confused. “But how are you gonna get back home?”

Taako produces three airline tickets from his jacket, waving them around. “First class, baby! Taako’s gonna get some mimosas and take a long ass nap!”

“That’s what was in the box,” Magnus explains, before punching Angus in the arm lightly. “You deserve it, kiddo.”

Angus smiles, holding his arms out. “Sirs, I can’t believe this!”

All of them wrap him up in another hug, this one a little more joyful.

“I don’t know what to say,” Angus confesses, joy and sadness mixing within him.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Magnus says.

“Just go do everything you ever want to do,” Taako adds.

“And have fun doing it,” Merle says.

They break away.

Angus blinks at them, smiling and nodding once. “I love you guys. Thanks for being the best dads anybody could ever ask for.”

His parents wave, pretending not to be crying, as Angus waves too, taking a few steps back and turning around.

And as he walks forward, towards a new beginning, a new adventure, Angus knows this is it.

He steps towards his future, ready for anything.

 

 

 

**the end**

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, what's up, thanks for reading through all that. if you wanna check me out, i'm on tumblr @ breemo, but that's an art only blog, so if you're looking for more writing...uh...i'm...right here on ao3.
> 
> speaking of art, here are some [doodles](http://imgur.com/gallery/dowuX) i made for this au. okay, that's it, i'll leave now. l8r, g8rs.


End file.
